Life. How strange and how incomprehensible. All of us are scurrying and scampering to get someplace. Only we get there and realise this is not where we want to be and scurry once more. Its pitiful really, to see otherwise well balanced people, intelligent folks, mature individuals do the same.
I look back at my life five years ago. The people, the desires and the hurry to accomplish a few things. The people have scattered, each gone his/her own way to fight their own battles. People with whom I talked to for hours each day sometimes many times a day, are no longer even on civil contact list. Funny how lives have got us all apart. Few of those desires - a car, my own kid, a loving husband - have been accomplished. A few of them - MBA degree, a technical certification, a GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT satisfying job - still elude me. But not that they are that big. But still I cant say I am completely at peace with myself and happy with where I am.
I remember - The days when I was single and working away from home... The days were my own, the time was my own. The shopping sprees with my room mate and best friend. The late night discussions. The endless musings on life, work and all. But then kicked in the pressures of the society to be married. I got into the circle of all the guy-girl seeing, horoscope matching, et all. Thankfully landed with a wonderful guy at the end of it all. But I yearn for the careless abandon of the days gone by.
I remember - The day my child was born, she looked so delicate and fragile, I was scared to touch her lest I "damage" her in some way. The fact that she was four months old already and wouldn't even roll over scared me. At an year when she did not really walk I was worried again. Now at 27 months, she scampers all over the house. My monica-ish speckless house now lays in ruins. And I wistfully remember the days when I could just drop her on the sofa and she would lie still there cooing to herself or to me :)
I could look back and come up with hundred other instances like the ones above. Why? Why do we look forward to change so much and then look back in fond memory of the time gone by?
Today, this place, this time - Why cant this be special for me? Why do I have to look back or ahead for the "better times"? Why cant I make this the best time that exists?
But isn't this also 7:45 in the morning. The time when my daughter goes to daycare in 20 minutes. I need to be at work in another hour. The lunch asks to be cooked. The baby needs to be dressed. And this is just now... I have to get started on my technical certifications this year. We need to plan for our first home.
With so much to plan for, can I still afford to be laid back, sit still and enjoy life.
But - Can I afford not to?
