A bit too coincidental that this article should succeed the one below it but que sera sera!
Attended a friend’s marriage [rather a friends wedding to yet another close friend] this weekend and what I saw there set me thinking… What happened to the little ceremonies and the sacred chants we held so dear? I mean picture this… one after the other…
1.) Mangalyam Tantu Nanena
Beat this! A traditional Hindu wedding without THE mantra:
“mangalyam tantu naanena mama jeevan hetuna
kanthe badhnaami shubhage tvamjeeva sharadahshatam”
{Oh auspicious bride, may u live a hundred autumns. I am tying this thread on your neck...which is a symbol of my life.}
The sorry figure that the bride and the groom were, they were at a loss themselves too. Blame it on the lack of understanding of the little rituals that have a strong basis for what is one of the sacred unions of the world.
2.) Jilakara Bellam
A little about this traditional Andhra Rite:
For the Telugu Brahmins, the actual marriage is considered to have commenced at this auspicious moment. Jilakara is Cumin Seeds or Jeera & Bellam, Jaggery or Gur. The idea of the whole ceremony is that when both of them are mixed they forge a very good strong bond. Actually, you cannot separate once you mix them, so they are asking bride and groom to mix as jilakarra and bellam. And putting on each other's head you are taking owe that you will be together in whatever the circumstance it is.
Traditionally the bride and groom put it on each others head at the SAME moment. Our dear pundit sir got up the groom first and made him place the Jilakara Bellam on the brides head first and then the bride did it. Not only was that a funny thing to see, but blasphemous as well. Dad had another explanation for it. It seems that of the two whoever puts the Jilakara Bellam first, she/he rules the roost in the house. Since the pundit had come from the groom’s side, he might have done it knowingly…
What the heck man? : ) Cheating ki bhi hadd hoti hai!!!
3.) Where are the chants?
Excuse me. Where was I? At a wedding or a discourse of The Ramayana? The pundit was more of a Haridasa than a Pundit. Even the bride’s mother was aghast at the near absence of chants and mantras. He kept on singing about how Sita Devi was blushing when she first laid her eyes on Sri Rama Chandra. Oh Please!
After 7 years of dating, my 2 friends were tying the knot as their parents weren’t willing to let them remain single and alone [with each other, is the innuendo] any longer. Where is the question of the 1st glance? Boss, that happened 7 years ago! And believe me, no one of them blushed. I am the living testimonial to that 1st meet… Why compromise on the mantras for then?
4.) Sandal on the Pandal : )
Now, the central part of the marriage pandal is the Havan Kund.
For a little background, all auspicious beginnings are marked by a havan, as such it also forms an integral and indispensable part of marriage rituals. The pheras and the saptapadi are taken around the havan kund. During the wedding phera ceremony, some objects are placed around the fire; that have a holy significance. The kalash, a small urn tied with the sacred red thread (Mauli) symbolizes the cosmos. It is placed facing the North, in the centre, near the havan kund. [This positioning signifies balance; balance that one needs to achieve in married life for it to be successful.] The kalash is filled with water representing Varuna, Lord of the Sea. Lord Vishnu is represented by the five betel or mango leaves placed at its mouth.
So not very surprisingly the marriage pandal, assumes the sacredness of a temple. Our bride was quite short stature compared to the groom and hence to make the pair look physically compatible, trotted on to the pandal with her sandals on, all the while trying to conceal them under her sari… : )
5.) Peeta Padedam! [Throw away the wooden pedestal]
As mentioned above, there was a considerable amount of difference in the heights of the groom and the bride. And when they were made to sit on the Peeta [Wooden pedestals] the bride was finding it very difficult to reach out to her prospective husband. The man, overflowing with affection, told the pundit, “Papaam, aa aamai kashtapadthondi, peeta padedam” [Poor girl is finding it difficult, let’s do away with the pedestal!]. what is wrong with that, one may ask. Though I respect the concern the man had for his would – be wife, but dear sir… You should have been aware, not even the simplest of poojas and havans are done sitting on the bare ground. A peeta, a tiger skin or at least a rag of clean cloth is mandatory.
6.) Chuck Blessings, lets hog!
The idea of an elaborate marriage ceremony is that the newly weds get blessings on all the people who attend the wedding. But funnily since the Muhuratham was close to noon and lunch was served already by then, mostly all the guests had gone to the catering area leaving the wedding hall looking so very so desolate. Eew! Whatever happened to the social fabric that was very vibrant in India?
Youngsters, I can understand. But not one of the elders who had come to attend the wedding was around. I wonder how the bride, groom and their immediate family members must have felt at this behavior of their guests.
Bless me O God! Looking at this all, I was left wondering if it wasn’t better to get married in a registrar’s office or at an Arya Samaj. On what basis is this extravagance justified if not for the ceremonies, the mantras and the blessings?
I mean the whole exercise was reduced to a mere drill by all and sundry. The pundit, the bride, the groom, the guests… For all of them, this was just meant to be “Get done with”…
Ah!!! Where do I go and hit my head now?
Friday, February 24, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
'Marriage' Selection Procedure.......
So, after a string of phone calls and fervent match of horoscopes and a lot of consultations with the astrologers regarding the appropriate time to meet up, the guy and the girl get together for the awkward first meet. In a normal scenario {by a normal scenario, I mean the ones that I have heard and known about} the room will be filled with at least 4 elders from either side, the grooms younger brother, brides elder sister and a few other people whose presence at that moment is thoroughly unwanted, undesired and yet mysteriously inevitable. Let’s calls them the marriage angels. More often that not the conversation will run something on these lines:
-----------------------------------
Groom has arrived with his complete entourage and all of them are seated appropriately .
Bride’s dad is wondering if all the 3 grooms scheduled to be *seen* have arrived at once only to realize after a split seconds thought that these are all the relatives of 1 gentleman only.
The groom is already wishing he could vanish in thin air. He realizes he doesn’t even know half the people he has arrived with. Looking at the brides elder sister, he wonders “Gosh! Doesn’t she look too old to be my bride? What was mom thinking? I should try again for the chic in the adjacent cubicle once I get back!”
Grooms mother [ inaudibly ]: “The house looks pretty ok. Well maintained. People look decent and well off too. Look at the number of people who are here. Large family! Good for my son. If this match works, I will go to the Sai Baba temple and offer 2 rupees this Thursday.”
Grooms father [ inaudibly ]: “Can we get back home in time for the 2nd innings?”
[Incidentally this thought is running as a background process for the groom, his younger brother, brides dad, to sum up in EVERY MALE BRAIN in that room. But the other priority signal overrides the desperacy/urgency in most of them.]
Grooms younger brother [ inaudibly ]: Whatever! : - )
dunno y but the siblings are the most disinterested people in the whole scenario always. Sleepy faced, constantly stifling a yawn, they present a picture of utter contempt for ANYTHING that moves at that point of time.
The bride is yet to arrive.
Girls Dad: [To no one in particular] – Ah! It’s getting so hot/cold/damp/dark/sunny these days. This city is not what it used to be 15 years ago.
Everyone in the room starts smiling and nodding all at once to no one in particular again. The boy’s dad then launches into a lengthy dissertation on the utter lack of governance rampant today. Not to be outdone the girls father will start complaining about the local MLA, the municipality and anything else he thinks he has to talk about and his wife wont listen to. The 2 men discuss about the budget, the government policies etc.
NOW, the younger bro looks as if he is about to fall off the sofa at any moment , the boy is too busy staring at his toes. The wives start panicking. At this juncture, the marriage angels from the girls side save the day by suggesting to the brides mothers to get in the refreshments. Suddenly a hush falls over the room. The girl’s side is wondering whether to bring out the crystal glasses or the china cups? The male side is suddenly queasy. “We will be eating while they are busy staring at us”
Enter the bride’s mother with the refreshment. She motions the elder sister to serve. “This is our elder daughter you see.”
*Ting* the penny just dropped for the groom. She is the elder sis! Ah!
“Her husband works for so and so company. He is such a good gentleman…. We are so lucky to have him for her ” … Putting psychological pressure on the groom you see. For all you know, he might be a lousy money-hungry hound.
This kind of an aimless banter goes on for a while and suddenly everyone is out of topics to offer their opinions on. The guy is getting impatient anyways.
[...cut to scene 2]
Marriage angels come to the rescue again. “Let’s call the girl now”
Suddenly the room livens up. The girl walks in.
Girl: now which one of this is THE guy? I don’t want to smile at the wrong one. Or else mom is going to kill me.
Girls Mother: This is our younger girl. The prospective bride.
Girl:[ inaudibly ] Cha! And these people thought I was Aishwarya Rai. Mom, stop embarrassing me.
Girls mother:[ inaudibly ] This girl never listens to me. She is looking darker than usual in the green saree. The maroon one would have been better. Now they aren’t going to like her.
Groom:[ inaudibly ] Hmm.. now that’s more like it. Seems good enough. And looks like she is uncomfortable in that saree. Which means she wears regular stuff too.
Grooms mother[ inaudibly ]: why is he staring at her like that? What will these people think?
Grooms father[ inaudibly ]: Ah! Good! Now that she is out, we can get going in 20 minutes max. can catch the end of 1st innings too.
Grooms brother[ inaudibly ]: Whatever!
Brides Sister[ inaudibly ]: Whatever!
Anyway the girl sits down.
Girls Dad: So you work for ABC is it? [ inaudibly ] Great Q for icebreakers. He he he…
Boy: [ inaudibly ] Should I nod or say yes. And doesn’t he know it till now? What if I say I am a fitter with the local car garage. He he he. That should be fun. But mom will kill me. Darned rotten location to display my sense of humor. The girl will be impressed like hell though, I bet.
Girl:[ inaudibly ] Dad! You have told me this a thousand times earlier. Why ask him now? He anyway looks like a creep. I cant stand the smirk on his face.
Boy: Yes sir!
Girls mother: You can ask her anything. Go ahead, don’t feel shy.
Boy: [ inaudibly ] A date perhaps?
Boy: So you have done your engineering from Pune is it? [ inaudibly ] how will she react if I tell her my ex was in her college too?
Girl: Yes. [ inaudibly ] Smug bastard, riding high on his IIT credentials.
Boys Mother: [ inaudibly ] Why is he asking this? Sai Baba. I thought he forgot that spoilt Punjabi girl. Don’t let him vomit all that now. Please!
Boy: nice city na?
Girl: [ inaudibly ] how will he react if I tell him “Better bars”? he he he. Darned rotten location to display my sense of humor. The guy will be impressed like hell though, I bet.
After such highly irrelevant questions, there is suddenly a lull all over again.
Marriage Angels from the groom side"so is the month of August suitable for you to arrange for the wedding sir? "
Groom:[ screaming silently ] where did I say an yes?
Bride: [ screaming silently ] where did I say an yes? Is this man that desperate? Saying yes so soon. God, am I done to death or what?
Huge broad smiles on all the others present. After a couple of “O yeses and sures” the groom’s father decides that they better get going if he is to catch Siddhus commentary for the 1st innings.
“We will let you know in a weeks time, sir!”
“Ok sir, we shall be waiting to hear from you.”
And then byes and best of lucks are fiercely exchanged. Thousand doubts assailing each side, they part…
-------------------------------------
Now the serious stuff:
Funny as this may seem, this face2face meet is what decides the fate of lakhs of young people each year. Post the meet, either 2 people are united in holy wedlock or the hunt starts all over again.
Its so rib-tickling to be in such a situation and so very ironical that India and Indians have changed a lot in their educational mindset, the standard of living and all other aspects. But still, when it comes to holy matrimony, mamma knows the best. Are we like this only? I do not advocate love marriage over arranged ones nor am I playing down one in the favor of other.
I just wish to know what are your thoughts on the matter. In today’s times what is more relevant. Our parents making the choice for us? Or we choosing the person with whom we wish to walk down the proverbial aisle?
Comments/insights/viewpoints please?
-----------------------------------
Groom has arrived with his complete entourage and all of them are seated appropriately .
Bride’s dad is wondering if all the 3 grooms scheduled to be *seen* have arrived at once only to realize after a split seconds thought that these are all the relatives of 1 gentleman only.
The groom is already wishing he could vanish in thin air. He realizes he doesn’t even know half the people he has arrived with. Looking at the brides elder sister, he wonders “Gosh! Doesn’t she look too old to be my bride? What was mom thinking? I should try again for the chic in the adjacent cubicle once I get back!”
Grooms mother [ inaudibly ]: “The house looks pretty ok. Well maintained. People look decent and well off too. Look at the number of people who are here. Large family! Good for my son. If this match works, I will go to the Sai Baba temple and offer 2 rupees this Thursday.”
Grooms father [ inaudibly ]: “Can we get back home in time for the 2nd innings?”
[Incidentally this thought is running as a background process for the groom, his younger brother, brides dad, to sum up in EVERY MALE BRAIN in that room. But the other priority signal overrides the desperacy/urgency in most of them.]
Grooms younger brother [ inaudibly ]: Whatever! : - )
dunno y but the siblings are the most disinterested people in the whole scenario always. Sleepy faced, constantly stifling a yawn, they present a picture of utter contempt for ANYTHING that moves at that point of time.
The bride is yet to arrive.
Girls Dad: [To no one in particular] – Ah! It’s getting so hot/cold/damp/dark/sunny these days. This city is not what it used to be 15 years ago.
Everyone in the room starts smiling and nodding all at once to no one in particular again. The boy’s dad then launches into a lengthy dissertation on the utter lack of governance rampant today. Not to be outdone the girls father will start complaining about the local MLA, the municipality and anything else he thinks he has to talk about and his wife wont listen to. The 2 men discuss about the budget, the government policies etc.
NOW, the younger bro looks as if he is about to fall off the sofa at any moment , the boy is too busy staring at his toes. The wives start panicking. At this juncture, the marriage angels from the girls side save the day by suggesting to the brides mothers to get in the refreshments. Suddenly a hush falls over the room. The girl’s side is wondering whether to bring out the crystal glasses or the china cups? The male side is suddenly queasy. “We will be eating while they are busy staring at us”
Enter the bride’s mother with the refreshment. She motions the elder sister to serve. “This is our elder daughter you see.”
*Ting* the penny just dropped for the groom. She is the elder sis! Ah!
“Her husband works for so and so company. He is such a good gentleman…. We are so lucky to have him for her ” … Putting psychological pressure on the groom you see. For all you know, he might be a lousy money-hungry hound.
This kind of an aimless banter goes on for a while and suddenly everyone is out of topics to offer their opinions on. The guy is getting impatient anyways.
[...cut to scene 2]
Marriage angels come to the rescue again. “Let’s call the girl now”
Suddenly the room livens up. The girl walks in.
Girl: now which one of this is THE guy? I don’t want to smile at the wrong one. Or else mom is going to kill me.
Girls Mother: This is our younger girl. The prospective bride.
Girl:[ inaudibly ] Cha! And these people thought I was Aishwarya Rai. Mom, stop embarrassing me.
Girls mother:[ inaudibly ] This girl never listens to me. She is looking darker than usual in the green saree. The maroon one would have been better. Now they aren’t going to like her.
Groom:[ inaudibly ] Hmm.. now that’s more like it. Seems good enough. And looks like she is uncomfortable in that saree. Which means she wears regular stuff too.
Grooms mother[ inaudibly ]: why is he staring at her like that? What will these people think?
Grooms father[ inaudibly ]: Ah! Good! Now that she is out, we can get going in 20 minutes max. can catch the end of 1st innings too.
Grooms brother[ inaudibly ]: Whatever!
Brides Sister[ inaudibly ]: Whatever!
Anyway the girl sits down.
Girls Dad: So you work for ABC is it? [ inaudibly ] Great Q for icebreakers. He he he…
Boy: [ inaudibly ] Should I nod or say yes. And doesn’t he know it till now? What if I say I am a fitter with the local car garage. He he he. That should be fun. But mom will kill me. Darned rotten location to display my sense of humor. The girl will be impressed like hell though, I bet.
Girl:[ inaudibly ] Dad! You have told me this a thousand times earlier. Why ask him now? He anyway looks like a creep. I cant stand the smirk on his face.
Boy: Yes sir!
Girls mother: You can ask her anything. Go ahead, don’t feel shy.
Boy: [ inaudibly ] A date perhaps?
Boy: So you have done your engineering from Pune is it? [ inaudibly ] how will she react if I tell her my ex was in her college too?
Girl: Yes. [ inaudibly ] Smug bastard, riding high on his IIT credentials.
Boys Mother: [ inaudibly ] Why is he asking this? Sai Baba. I thought he forgot that spoilt Punjabi girl. Don’t let him vomit all that now. Please!
Boy: nice city na?
Girl: [ inaudibly ] how will he react if I tell him “Better bars”? he he he. Darned rotten location to display my sense of humor. The guy will be impressed like hell though, I bet.
After such highly irrelevant questions, there is suddenly a lull all over again.
Marriage Angels from the groom side"so is the month of August suitable for you to arrange for the wedding sir? "
Groom:[ screaming silently ] where did I say an yes?
Bride: [ screaming silently ] where did I say an yes? Is this man that desperate? Saying yes so soon. God, am I done to death or what?
Huge broad smiles on all the others present. After a couple of “O yeses and sures” the groom’s father decides that they better get going if he is to catch Siddhus commentary for the 1st innings.
“We will let you know in a weeks time, sir!”
“Ok sir, we shall be waiting to hear from you.”
And then byes and best of lucks are fiercely exchanged. Thousand doubts assailing each side, they part…
-------------------------------------
Now the serious stuff:
Funny as this may seem, this face2face meet is what decides the fate of lakhs of young people each year. Post the meet, either 2 people are united in holy wedlock or the hunt starts all over again.
Its so rib-tickling to be in such a situation and so very ironical that India and Indians have changed a lot in their educational mindset, the standard of living and all other aspects. But still, when it comes to holy matrimony, mamma knows the best. Are we like this only? I do not advocate love marriage over arranged ones nor am I playing down one in the favor of other.
I just wish to know what are your thoughts on the matter. In today’s times what is more relevant. Our parents making the choice for us? Or we choosing the person with whom we wish to walk down the proverbial aisle?
Comments/insights/viewpoints please?
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