Life. How strange and how incomprehensible. All of us are scurrying and scampering to get someplace. Only we get there and realise this is not where we want to be and scurry once more. Its pitiful really, to see otherwise well balanced people, intelligent folks, mature individuals do the same.
I look back at my life five years ago. The people, the desires and the hurry to accomplish a few things. The people have scattered, each gone his/her own way to fight their own battles. People with whom I talked to for hours each day sometimes many times a day, are no longer even on civil contact list. Funny how lives have got us all apart. Few of those desires - a car, my own kid, a loving husband - have been accomplished. A few of them - MBA degree, a technical certification, a GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT satisfying job - still elude me. But not that they are that big. But still I cant say I am completely at peace with myself and happy with where I am.
I remember - The days when I was single and working away from home... The days were my own, the time was my own. The shopping sprees with my room mate and best friend. The late night discussions. The endless musings on life, work and all. But then kicked in the pressures of the society to be married. I got into the circle of all the guy-girl seeing, horoscope matching, et all. Thankfully landed with a wonderful guy at the end of it all. But I yearn for the careless abandon of the days gone by.
I remember - The day my child was born, she looked so delicate and fragile, I was scared to touch her lest I "damage" her in some way. The fact that she was four months old already and wouldn't even roll over scared me. At an year when she did not really walk I was worried again. Now at 27 months, she scampers all over the house. My monica-ish speckless house now lays in ruins. And I wistfully remember the days when I could just drop her on the sofa and she would lie still there cooing to herself or to me :)
I could look back and come up with hundred other instances like the ones above. Why? Why do we look forward to change so much and then look back in fond memory of the time gone by?
Today, this place, this time - Why cant this be special for me? Why do I have to look back or ahead for the "better times"? Why cant I make this the best time that exists?
But isn't this also 7:45 in the morning. The time when my daughter goes to daycare in 20 minutes. I need to be at work in another hour. The lunch asks to be cooked. The baby needs to be dressed. And this is just now... I have to get started on my technical certifications this year. We need to plan for our first home.
With so much to plan for, can I still afford to be laid back, sit still and enjoy life.
But - Can I afford not to?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Looking back...
Wonder what could have happened,
If not what eventually did,
Would life have taken a different turn,
Or would it still be this squalid.
How many mistakes and bad choices,
How many wrong paths have I tread,
To have to remember all of them,
Or to account for them I do dread.
I have been a fool,
I have given up too soon,
I have stayed stuck at wrong places,
I have always wanted the wrong boon.
I remember where I was once,
I remember not liking it there,
And now that I have traveled,
I am not liking it here either.
It nags at me so intensely,
The knowledge of all that I lack,
And I know I could have had it all,
And so, I keep looking back...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Politics politics everywhere, not a moment to think...
Wonder how our perceptions are so narrow. I always used to despise the petty petty politics back home. MPs throwing mikes in the assembly, adarniya lalooji making a mockery of the rail budget, behen Mayawati, Mulayam ji... Param pujya Amar Singh ji...
Gosh, I feel sick even as I type...
But cut to 2010. Australia. A representative of masses is kicked out by his own party within a fortnight with collusion with the powerful mining lobby. A lady comes from nowhere to be the "First female prime minister of Australia." Early elections are called. The public disgusted by the leading party's petty politics denounce them in huge numbers and opposition being no good either doesn't get a majority. So what happens? 72 seats each with 4 more needed from the 6 independents. And begins the Rajneeti.
Each side maintains a clear moral stand in public refusing to bad mouth the other. But each of them is trying to woo the independents. If one says yes to letting Treasury evaluate the detailed costings of each party's policies, the other takes the "moral high ground" in not caving in to letting the independent in on the government confidential information. Offers of ministries in return of support is gaining credence in the media too. How so very same to the coalition policies of the Indian counterparts?
Is politics clean anywhere at all? Aren't we all the same beneath the superficial differences!!!
Gosh, I feel sick even as I type...
But cut to 2010. Australia. A representative of masses is kicked out by his own party within a fortnight with collusion with the powerful mining lobby. A lady comes from nowhere to be the "First female prime minister of Australia." Early elections are called. The public disgusted by the leading party's petty politics denounce them in huge numbers and opposition being no good either doesn't get a majority. So what happens? 72 seats each with 4 more needed from the 6 independents. And begins the Rajneeti.
Each side maintains a clear moral stand in public refusing to bad mouth the other. But each of them is trying to woo the independents. If one says yes to letting Treasury evaluate the detailed costings of each party's policies, the other takes the "moral high ground" in not caving in to letting the independent in on the government confidential information. Offers of ministries in return of support is gaining credence in the media too. How so very same to the coalition policies of the Indian counterparts?
Is politics clean anywhere at all? Aren't we all the same beneath the superficial differences!!!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The dilemma of a NRI...
Of all the people who migrate to other countries, South Asia has been at forefront. Of all those countries, Indians are taking a lead. Of all the Indians who have moved out of the "Old country", most of them have a strange hate-love relationship with the country.
Its filth, squalor, corruption, petty politics and "adulterated" life frustrates them. Yet every 26th January, every 15th August, every teej tyohaar is spent crying buckets of tears, its straight to the Indian restaurants on weekends and special days, visits to the temple, carrying out of religious rituals just like how its done back "home" - all these things give a sense of pride. If we sit and think to where we belong - Its always India...
Ours is a generation of paradoxes. We study medicine and engineering but still adhere to the age-old rituals and superstitious. We wish to earn in dollars, live in the comfortable "Western world", but are reluctant to cut the umbilical cord. We show up the Kamasutra as a proof of our sexual enlightenment and yet cringe at the very thought of sex education. We want our kids to have the best upbringing these countries can provide, yet we nurture the deepest desire that our kids will marry "Indian" and preferably in the social/caste hierarchy of the family.
An "Indian Origin" Peter Russells can make fun of our idiosyncrasies and we all can laugh at it. But if a Joel Stein dares to write about us, we will make bonfires of his articles and his snapshots will be thrown in for a good measure. We can crib about the squalor and dirt in India to our hearts content. We are just giving our opinion. If a foreign tourist complains, he is being a nagger. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Mumbai and is robbed, he was a fool to be out that late in the night. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Melbourne and is robbed, well dint we say that Australians are a racist lot?
While we gloat about how fresh milk and fruits are out "here", we still load spices and pickles from India. While we declare that this is the way/place to live, we still secretly despise the "Western influence" on the Indian culture. While we are completely ignorant of the beautiful language that Sanskrit is, we gloat in pride about "our heritage" of Vedas and Upanishads. Sadly, while our bodies live in these "Developed" countries, our hearts are still in India. And THAT precisely is the dilemma of the confused NRI.
Its filth, squalor, corruption, petty politics and "adulterated" life frustrates them. Yet every 26th January, every 15th August, every teej tyohaar is spent crying buckets of tears, its straight to the Indian restaurants on weekends and special days, visits to the temple, carrying out of religious rituals just like how its done back "home" - all these things give a sense of pride. If we sit and think to where we belong - Its always India...
Ours is a generation of paradoxes. We study medicine and engineering but still adhere to the age-old rituals and superstitious. We wish to earn in dollars, live in the comfortable "Western world", but are reluctant to cut the umbilical cord. We show up the Kamasutra as a proof of our sexual enlightenment and yet cringe at the very thought of sex education. We want our kids to have the best upbringing these countries can provide, yet we nurture the deepest desire that our kids will marry "Indian" and preferably in the social/caste hierarchy of the family.
An "Indian Origin" Peter Russells can make fun of our idiosyncrasies and we all can laugh at it. But if a Joel Stein dares to write about us, we will make bonfires of his articles and his snapshots will be thrown in for a good measure. We can crib about the squalor and dirt in India to our hearts content. We are just giving our opinion. If a foreign tourist complains, he is being a nagger. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Mumbai and is robbed, he was a fool to be out that late in the night. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Melbourne and is robbed, well dint we say that Australians are a racist lot?
While we gloat about how fresh milk and fruits are out "here", we still load spices and pickles from India. While we declare that this is the way/place to live, we still secretly despise the "Western influence" on the Indian culture. While we are completely ignorant of the beautiful language that Sanskrit is, we gloat in pride about "our heritage" of Vedas and Upanishads. Sadly, while our bodies live in these "Developed" countries, our hearts are still in India. And THAT precisely is the dilemma of the confused NRI.
Murphy's laws for the new mother.
1. As soon as you are done vacuuming, the baby wants to eat finger foods.
2. As you start changing a dirty diaper, the phone/door-bell will ring.
3. Likability of a food item is inversely proportional to the availability.
4. Soiled socks are always in pairs, washed ones are always single.
5. The day you throw in the sweaters for washing will be the coldest one of the year.
6. If you are running low on diapers, the baby will have diarrhoea.
7. Whatever is on the plate goes to the floor, whatever is on the floor goes into the mouth.
8. If you order pizza for dinner, the toddler will stay up late. If you are cooking healthy baby foods especially for her, the nap time comes an hour too early.
9. If the toddler has to throw up, it will be after you have brushed her teeth for the night.
10. The high priced toy that catches her fancy in the toy store will be forgotten as soon as its paid for.
2. As you start changing a dirty diaper, the phone/door-bell will ring.
3. Likability of a food item is inversely proportional to the availability.
4. Soiled socks are always in pairs, washed ones are always single.
5. The day you throw in the sweaters for washing will be the coldest one of the year.
6. If you are running low on diapers, the baby will have diarrhoea.
7. Whatever is on the plate goes to the floor, whatever is on the floor goes into the mouth.
8. If you order pizza for dinner, the toddler will stay up late. If you are cooking healthy baby foods especially for her, the nap time comes an hour too early.
9. If the toddler has to throw up, it will be after you have brushed her teeth for the night.
10. The high priced toy that catches her fancy in the toy store will be forgotten as soon as its paid for.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Need help with an African Chant guys!!!
Now, this title may intrigue some. Interest few others and drive the rest of them nuts! B.E, Infosys, Living in Sydney and superstitious?
Well there are times and situations when the normal human mind cannot explain what is happening around/to you! I am currently in such a situation. Life is at a crossroads and I know why NOT! I mean imagine this - I have a 100% track record of converting interviews to offers. I.e. never been interviewed and not offered the job. But of 100 jobs I have applied to in the past 10 months, I have been granted interviews just twice. Once for a leading bank here at Australia and the other for a leading service provider.
The bank was almost through. I got the offer. I flew all the way from India cutting a vacation short to join. Then, the morning before the job was scheduled to begin there comes up a glitch in the contract that was never mentioned. HR and I differ on the same and offer is withdrawn!!! What the....!!! And to think, I am normally not the kinds to speak in a "tone" to anyone let alone a prospective firm! Uggghh...
That was huge setback, one from which I never really recovered. I know once I land in a job the sting will be gone. But that "next job" has been eluding me for over 1.5 years now.
Then enter fray, this leading service provider... 3 interviews later, they decided I was too technical for them and conduct 2 more interviews for yet another of their vertical, presumably technical. 5 interviews in all, then a call to discuss choice of location etcetera. It been 6 months since I have been interviewing with them and they are still moving my case forth and back. Seems they want to see what work can they allocate me before making that offer!
Why am I landing in such a soup. Each passing day, week, month my resume gets weaker and the gap wider. People say the inevitable - Fudge the details, play around with the dates, close in the gap, build up a totally new resume. That is NOT me! Has never been... But what is the result of the stand that I have taken?
Then again personal front has been a crib tale as well... Health, finances, future - EVERYTHING is in doldrums...
Desperate times needs desperate measures.... So searching for that elusive recipe for success....Anyone?!?!?
Well there are times and situations when the normal human mind cannot explain what is happening around/to you! I am currently in such a situation. Life is at a crossroads and I know why NOT! I mean imagine this - I have a 100% track record of converting interviews to offers. I.e. never been interviewed and not offered the job. But of 100 jobs I have applied to in the past 10 months, I have been granted interviews just twice. Once for a leading bank here at Australia and the other for a leading service provider.
The bank was almost through. I got the offer. I flew all the way from India cutting a vacation short to join. Then, the morning before the job was scheduled to begin there comes up a glitch in the contract that was never mentioned. HR and I differ on the same and offer is withdrawn!!! What the....!!! And to think, I am normally not the kinds to speak in a "tone" to anyone let alone a prospective firm! Uggghh...
That was huge setback, one from which I never really recovered. I know once I land in a job the sting will be gone. But that "next job" has been eluding me for over 1.5 years now.
Then enter fray, this leading service provider... 3 interviews later, they decided I was too technical for them and conduct 2 more interviews for yet another of their vertical, presumably technical. 5 interviews in all, then a call to discuss choice of location etcetera. It been 6 months since I have been interviewing with them and they are still moving my case forth and back. Seems they want to see what work can they allocate me before making that offer!
Why am I landing in such a soup. Each passing day, week, month my resume gets weaker and the gap wider. People say the inevitable - Fudge the details, play around with the dates, close in the gap, build up a totally new resume. That is NOT me! Has never been... But what is the result of the stand that I have taken?
Then again personal front has been a crib tale as well... Health, finances, future - EVERYTHING is in doldrums...
Desperate times needs desperate measures.... So searching for that elusive recipe for success....Anyone?!?!?
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Social networking - A great way to stay connected(get kicked)...
Alas! India Inc. sees yet another bright spark fade away into the darkness of oblivion (I hope not!) as Shashi Tharoor sends his resignation to the PM and he accepts it.
The newspapers are quick to dissect the whole issue and claim "He had it coming...". One underlying theme that keeps recurring is the use of social networking site Twitter. Both Tharoor and his now-nemesis Lalit Modi have been active on the site and this is what the media says was the beginning of the end.
Tharoor especially was in the media bad books as all that they could should or would have conveyed to the masses with their input was directly being told to the people who cared to listen. Was this the crime that cost Tharoor dearly? He sure did not make fans of the high and mighty with his cattle class theories and the daily updates.
And that makes me wonder - Why do the people in authority really worry about people who like to have a lives OUTSIDES of their profession? What does it matter to the media if a Tharoor or an Amitabh decide to talk to the people who matter? What is the harm or impropriety if they wish to give their version of the story directly to the society?
Interestingly, there was an article in the ToI that complimented Microsoft for having the most social media savvy employees. Amazing, how the most successful company (arguably) in the world takes great pride in letting its employees have a life outside of the campus even when they are on it. On the other hand, Indian Inc., the so-called harbinger of the IT revolution, takes great pains in making sure their employees cannot browse even the most basic of sites. Some of these companies even pose great restrictions on the OUTLOOK as well. The size of attachments that can be sent through official emails, the IDs that can be communicated with etc all are monitored ad nauseum. Why do their HRs ponder or lament over the brain drain or the high attrition rates then?
Why cant a minister, who has been given that post by the mandate of the very common man he is talking to, converse with his people without a middle man? Why cant an Amitabh, a RGV or an Aamir connect to their audiences without the media playing the essential go-between? Why cant a software engineer who works day and night for the company (which refuses to share even a fair percentage of profits its making on his toil and prefers manicuring the lawns or build inanely positioned buildings instead with it) take a healthy break away from the maddeningly dull work? And why are all these people suddenly bad boys?
Someone needs to point out the ultimate irony of this Indian mindset. We are the largest democracy in the world. We guarantee to all the citizens of this country the freedom of speech and the freedom of expression of thought. But what is meant to be in theory never translates into reality. Or is it just that like everything else in India what we preach is what we shall seldom practise? As someone pointed out in one of the numerous articles I have read since this morning - the man who had 20 years of illustrious career overseas has been undone in less than an year in the great country called India. Some homecoming, huh?
The newspapers are quick to dissect the whole issue and claim "He had it coming...". One underlying theme that keeps recurring is the use of social networking site Twitter. Both Tharoor and his now-nemesis Lalit Modi have been active on the site and this is what the media says was the beginning of the end.
Tharoor especially was in the media bad books as all that they could should or would have conveyed to the masses with their input was directly being told to the people who cared to listen. Was this the crime that cost Tharoor dearly? He sure did not make fans of the high and mighty with his cattle class theories and the daily updates.
And that makes me wonder - Why do the people in authority really worry about people who like to have a lives OUTSIDES of their profession? What does it matter to the media if a Tharoor or an Amitabh decide to talk to the people who matter? What is the harm or impropriety if they wish to give their version of the story directly to the society?
Interestingly, there was an article in the ToI that complimented Microsoft for having the most social media savvy employees. Amazing, how the most successful company (arguably) in the world takes great pride in letting its employees have a life outside of the campus even when they are on it. On the other hand, Indian Inc., the so-called harbinger of the IT revolution, takes great pains in making sure their employees cannot browse even the most basic of sites. Some of these companies even pose great restrictions on the OUTLOOK as well. The size of attachments that can be sent through official emails, the IDs that can be communicated with etc all are monitored ad nauseum. Why do their HRs ponder or lament over the brain drain or the high attrition rates then?
Why cant a minister, who has been given that post by the mandate of the very common man he is talking to, converse with his people without a middle man? Why cant an Amitabh, a RGV or an Aamir connect to their audiences without the media playing the essential go-between? Why cant a software engineer who works day and night for the company (which refuses to share even a fair percentage of profits its making on his toil and prefers manicuring the lawns or build inanely positioned buildings instead with it) take a healthy break away from the maddeningly dull work? And why are all these people suddenly bad boys?
Someone needs to point out the ultimate irony of this Indian mindset. We are the largest democracy in the world. We guarantee to all the citizens of this country the freedom of speech and the freedom of expression of thought. But what is meant to be in theory never translates into reality. Or is it just that like everything else in India what we preach is what we shall seldom practise? As someone pointed out in one of the numerous articles I have read since this morning - the man who had 20 years of illustrious career overseas has been undone in less than an year in the great country called India. Some homecoming, huh?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Looking through the eyes of love!
I knew of a young girl once upon a time.
All she wanted was a simple life. She dared to dream of a house in the woods, a lovely river running close by. A tree in front of the house. And lot of nests on the tree. The sunrise would wake up the chicks in the tree and they would merrily chirp. The little girl would wake up to this heavenly music each day. Stroll in the woods collecting rare and fresh flowers on the way. She would share her fruits with the squirrels that were as carefree as she herself was. Ah - her life seemed just so perfect this way.
But alas! That was not to be. Her simple life was always in her dreams. She woke up to the shrill alarm clock each day. Each day was a rush to the school. Each month was a dash to be first in the class. Each class was a stepping stone to the holy grail that is called a sucessful life. She went through the same grind as all others with her. She did her routine "learning", she managed to get into a "company" which was envied by many. There she found everything but precisely THAT - company.
The friends she made told her many a times - you are so not cut out for this. You should be far in the woods, lovely wilderness. With so many secrets of the nature to unveil, you are wasting your time here. She knew it all along too.
But she got stuck more and more in the grind of the life. Then she got married. Her prince came along and took her away from her dreary days. She loved her castle. It kept her safe. But still she needed to go out and face the world each day. A child no longer, she could ill afford the dreams she still dreamt of.
Then came a cub of her own... Looking at her, the woman thought - My baby should get the best of everything. The best education, the best clothes, the best opportunities. Then she caught herself - What about the best mother? The grind of life is taking its toll on you. Today you are afraid to even dream of the freedom that makes you happy. You know you are leading a life that is not for you. You force yourself to a unhealthy tirade and in turn you grow morose, bitter and tired. When you were never true to yourself, your dreams what good can you be to this little little thing in here?
Isn't there a way out for this mother? Is she too late in the pursuit of her dreams. Are the wilds too crowded now? Are the birds not singing in the nests still? Are the flowers, fruits and squirrels not in the wait still?
So what if she couldn't go there alone? So what if her childhood never saw the beauty of the nature? Isn't it better to go there now than not go at all and keep wondering for the rest of her life - What if I had?
All she wanted was a simple life. She dared to dream of a house in the woods, a lovely river running close by. A tree in front of the house. And lot of nests on the tree. The sunrise would wake up the chicks in the tree and they would merrily chirp. The little girl would wake up to this heavenly music each day. Stroll in the woods collecting rare and fresh flowers on the way. She would share her fruits with the squirrels that were as carefree as she herself was. Ah - her life seemed just so perfect this way.
But alas! That was not to be. Her simple life was always in her dreams. She woke up to the shrill alarm clock each day. Each day was a rush to the school. Each month was a dash to be first in the class. Each class was a stepping stone to the holy grail that is called a sucessful life. She went through the same grind as all others with her. She did her routine "learning", she managed to get into a "company" which was envied by many. There she found everything but precisely THAT - company.
The friends she made told her many a times - you are so not cut out for this. You should be far in the woods, lovely wilderness. With so many secrets of the nature to unveil, you are wasting your time here. She knew it all along too.
But she got stuck more and more in the grind of the life. Then she got married. Her prince came along and took her away from her dreary days. She loved her castle. It kept her safe. But still she needed to go out and face the world each day. A child no longer, she could ill afford the dreams she still dreamt of.
Then came a cub of her own... Looking at her, the woman thought - My baby should get the best of everything. The best education, the best clothes, the best opportunities. Then she caught herself - What about the best mother? The grind of life is taking its toll on you. Today you are afraid to even dream of the freedom that makes you happy. You know you are leading a life that is not for you. You force yourself to a unhealthy tirade and in turn you grow morose, bitter and tired. When you were never true to yourself, your dreams what good can you be to this little little thing in here?
Isn't there a way out for this mother? Is she too late in the pursuit of her dreams. Are the wilds too crowded now? Are the birds not singing in the nests still? Are the flowers, fruits and squirrels not in the wait still?
So what if she couldn't go there alone? So what if her childhood never saw the beauty of the nature? Isn't it better to go there now than not go at all and keep wondering for the rest of her life - What if I had?
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Dark ages are a thing of past. Really?
For a progressive nation like India, its a shame that some of our so-called "Community leaders still live and swear by the dark ages. Read about one such great icon here.
Honor killings, social boycotts, sati and God know what else is still being preached, practised and followed in the interior parts of the country. And the wily politicians, astute in the game of vote bank politics, make a blind man look more pro-active. God bless India.
Mera Bharat mahaan.
Honor killings, social boycotts, sati and God know what else is still being preached, practised and followed in the interior parts of the country. And the wily politicians, astute in the game of vote bank politics, make a blind man look more pro-active. God bless India.
Mera Bharat mahaan.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Zara headlines se SaRaK, SRK...
"Uproar after 'King of Bollywood', Shah Rukh Khan, held at US Airport"
"Shah Rukh's name not the cause of detainment"
"Shah Rukh gives a fitting reply to Amar Singh"
"The real reason for Shah Rukh's detention"
yada yada yada...
Is there an end to this mega-byte splashes? I mean, what the hell? When an ex-president of Kalam's stature took a similar episode in his stride, wonder why this episode should command the media frenzy.
But then, there has to be a difference between an intellectually advanced brilliant scientist and a megalomaniacal nautanki, right?
"Shah Rukh's name not the cause of detainment"
"Shah Rukh gives a fitting reply to Amar Singh"
"The real reason for Shah Rukh's detention"
yada yada yada...
Is there an end to this mega-byte splashes? I mean, what the hell? When an ex-president of Kalam's stature took a similar episode in his stride, wonder why this episode should command the media frenzy.
But then, there has to be a difference between an intellectually advanced brilliant scientist and a megalomaniacal nautanki, right?
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