A bit too coincidental that this article should succeed the one below it but que sera sera!
Attended a friend’s marriage [rather a friends wedding to yet another close friend] this weekend and what I saw there set me thinking… What happened to the little ceremonies and the sacred chants we held so dear? I mean picture this… one after the other…
1.) Mangalyam Tantu Nanena
Beat this! A traditional Hindu wedding without THE mantra:
“mangalyam tantu naanena mama jeevan hetuna
kanthe badhnaami shubhage tvamjeeva sharadahshatam”
{Oh auspicious bride, may u live a hundred autumns. I am tying this thread on your neck...which is a symbol of my life.}
The sorry figure that the bride and the groom were, they were at a loss themselves too. Blame it on the lack of understanding of the little rituals that have a strong basis for what is one of the sacred unions of the world.
2.) Jilakara Bellam
A little about this traditional Andhra Rite:
For the Telugu Brahmins, the actual marriage is considered to have commenced at this auspicious moment. Jilakara is Cumin Seeds or Jeera & Bellam, Jaggery or Gur. The idea of the whole ceremony is that when both of them are mixed they forge a very good strong bond. Actually, you cannot separate once you mix them, so they are asking bride and groom to mix as jilakarra and bellam. And putting on each other's head you are taking owe that you will be together in whatever the circumstance it is.
Traditionally the bride and groom put it on each others head at the SAME moment. Our dear pundit sir got up the groom first and made him place the Jilakara Bellam on the brides head first and then the bride did it. Not only was that a funny thing to see, but blasphemous as well. Dad had another explanation for it. It seems that of the two whoever puts the Jilakara Bellam first, she/he rules the roost in the house. Since the pundit had come from the groom’s side, he might have done it knowingly…
What the heck man? : ) Cheating ki bhi hadd hoti hai!!!
3.) Where are the chants?
Excuse me. Where was I? At a wedding or a discourse of The Ramayana? The pundit was more of a Haridasa than a Pundit. Even the bride’s mother was aghast at the near absence of chants and mantras. He kept on singing about how Sita Devi was blushing when she first laid her eyes on Sri Rama Chandra. Oh Please!
After 7 years of dating, my 2 friends were tying the knot as their parents weren’t willing to let them remain single and alone [with each other, is the innuendo] any longer. Where is the question of the 1st glance? Boss, that happened 7 years ago! And believe me, no one of them blushed. I am the living testimonial to that 1st meet… Why compromise on the mantras for then?
4.) Sandal on the Pandal : )
Now, the central part of the marriage pandal is the Havan Kund.
For a little background, all auspicious beginnings are marked by a havan, as such it also forms an integral and indispensable part of marriage rituals. The pheras and the saptapadi are taken around the havan kund. During the wedding phera ceremony, some objects are placed around the fire; that have a holy significance. The kalash, a small urn tied with the sacred red thread (Mauli) symbolizes the cosmos. It is placed facing the North, in the centre, near the havan kund. [This positioning signifies balance; balance that one needs to achieve in married life for it to be successful.] The kalash is filled with water representing Varuna, Lord of the Sea. Lord Vishnu is represented by the five betel or mango leaves placed at its mouth.
So not very surprisingly the marriage pandal, assumes the sacredness of a temple. Our bride was quite short stature compared to the groom and hence to make the pair look physically compatible, trotted on to the pandal with her sandals on, all the while trying to conceal them under her sari… : )
5.) Peeta Padedam! [Throw away the wooden pedestal]
As mentioned above, there was a considerable amount of difference in the heights of the groom and the bride. And when they were made to sit on the Peeta [Wooden pedestals] the bride was finding it very difficult to reach out to her prospective husband. The man, overflowing with affection, told the pundit, “Papaam, aa aamai kashtapadthondi, peeta padedam” [Poor girl is finding it difficult, let’s do away with the pedestal!]. what is wrong with that, one may ask. Though I respect the concern the man had for his would – be wife, but dear sir… You should have been aware, not even the simplest of poojas and havans are done sitting on the bare ground. A peeta, a tiger skin or at least a rag of clean cloth is mandatory.
6.) Chuck Blessings, lets hog!
The idea of an elaborate marriage ceremony is that the newly weds get blessings on all the people who attend the wedding. But funnily since the Muhuratham was close to noon and lunch was served already by then, mostly all the guests had gone to the catering area leaving the wedding hall looking so very so desolate. Eew! Whatever happened to the social fabric that was very vibrant in India?
Youngsters, I can understand. But not one of the elders who had come to attend the wedding was around. I wonder how the bride, groom and their immediate family members must have felt at this behavior of their guests.
Bless me O God! Looking at this all, I was left wondering if it wasn’t better to get married in a registrar’s office or at an Arya Samaj. On what basis is this extravagance justified if not for the ceremonies, the mantras and the blessings?
I mean the whole exercise was reduced to a mere drill by all and sundry. The pundit, the bride, the groom, the guests… For all of them, this was just meant to be “Get done with”…
Ah!!! Where do I go and hit my head now?
8 comments:
He He He!
Better be careful next time round, pal... Thats why you should be all eyes at a wedding.
A lot of people do believe that these marriages are performed in such an ostentatious manner merely to facilitate the meeting of many other eligible men and women. Hunting grounds, as some would say :)
BTW, if I am not mistaken, this is Suresh right? :)))
rotten luck.. i NEVER got to see any decent UNMARRIED dames at any of the weddings i went..so much for the hunting grounds theory.
1) & 3)Better than chanting the Mantras with neither the bride nor the groom understanding a bit of it.
2)May be u r reading too much between the lines... 'coz it is only symbolic. They are not vying with each other with a "Me First" attitude. They are doing what the priest asks them to do. And , he does it the way he did, not because he is from the groom's side but because he is male.
4)I agree with u.
5)In stead of the peeta, he could have sat on a piece of cloth. (We consider Mother Earth a Goddess but feel that anything loses its sacredness when it touches the earth even if the floor is very clean. Why? I don't know. Please clarify.)
6)In a properly planned wedding, the organizers give clear instructions that the meals be not served till the ceremony is over except for spl cases like children below three years of age.
Whatever be the case, marriage is an occasion for all friends and relatives to come and meet each other whom they have not seen in years. I don't expect anything more from them.
Given ur eye for detail, it is strange that u have missed the pelli naati pramaanam: "naathi charaami". The groom promises himself but the bride's father speaks for her, not because she is too shy to speak but because it is traditionally believed that "Frailty! thy name is woman!!" (God!...Shakespeare again??) and their words are not to be believed.
And to the final question: Stay eternally confused.
Hmm Sridhar,
Keep looking pal... Thats why they get married with aplomb...
Trivikram Garu!
1.) and 3.) - Nevertheless, chants are an important part of an Indian wedding, arent they? Its supposed to evoke the blessings of Gods, right? They why deprive them of the same? And when on one hand, we are lamenting the loss of understanding of these rituals, isnt it necessary that the BASIC ones at least are taken care of?
2.) Maybe, I am. But then, I am used to the seeing the ritual in a particulay way. The aberration was jarring to the eyes... And no, I am not blaming the groom here. The priest's doing stuck a funny bone!
4.) Phew! At least once! I am glad!
5.) Will do a bit of RnD in this matter and let you know. I can ahzard a guess though! Remember the twin sister of Lakshmi (Together they are called Sridevi and Bhoodevi) Bhoodevi. If I remember correctly this Godesses is supposed to bring *Daridram* to ones house. [I refer to a childhood fable here - Dunno which King was this but anyways, he was considered to be very pious and devout. His surroundings were always kept clean in accordance to the Vedic rituals. But once, it so happened that a bit of earth stay stuck to his feet even after the abulations and that got into the palace. He spent the rest of his life in utter poverty and disgrace] Maybe that could offer both of us pointers. We can take it up from here! Whoever gets the info first, lets the other know! Ok?
6.) Properly planned is not something this wedding was... That was the whole idea of this article. Make sure the same mistakes arent repeated when the readers are getting married! Or even the author!! :)
[naati pramaanam: "naathi charaami"] is news to me! Never realised a ritual of the sort! Thanks...
I am still The Eternally Confused! :)
I have mixed up two points.
1)We hear the mantra in all weddings. But when I read the meaning of THE mantra, I am just thrilled. It is not at all related to Gods or their blessings. It shows just how much the groom cares for the bride. I pity those who tie the thread without knowing this. What I wrote was my lamentation for the BLIND recital depriving them of the kind of Thrill I feel.
3)Chants invoking Gods' blessings must be recited in full and with proper pronunciation set to correct tune(These days even the most sacred Gayatri mantra is sung in an arbitrary manner).
5)My God! Are you confused or am I? Bhudevi is NOT a sister of Sridevi. They are two consorts of Lord Vishnu. Bhudevi is younger and there is no blood relation between the two. But Daridradevata (so-called Peddamma) is an elder sister of Lakshmi Devi. The king was Nala maharaju (husband of Damayanti) and the evil-doer in his case was Kalipurusha. Or, are you talking about another king?
6)Thank you! :D
Ah! I KNEW I was gong wrong somewhere Trivikram Garu... I am talking about King Nala and yes the peddamma part of it was my omission, THANKS a tonne for correcting my mistake! : )
He he he
Thanks Kris
Do not forget, even I was one of the guests and a party to all that went wrong.
But sad as it is, its still true... Unf the ceremonies are a mere drill these days more than anything else.
My 2 pence - go for a register marriage if one cant respect the nuances of the traditions.
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