“So, you SHOULD have been there when I told them to… Uh Hullo, Archana… My PM is seems to be coming. I will call you back in JUST a minute”
A very normal situation in a very normal telephonic conversation… Just that “I will call you back” is a farce… The person who said she/he will call back JUST in a minute forget all about it immediately after placing the phone in the cradle. Most of the times, even I oversee that they were supposed to. Why? Because the conversation was a time-killer, a chat that no one bothered to continue in spite of an abrupt end. Coz, it wasn’t earth shaking nor important…
But the unkept promise to call back lingers on in the far recesses of my memory. However close this caller might be to me, I end up deducing, “Never trust this person to keep his word”. O my God! What a leap of faith, one may ask. But how do I trust a person who cant even keep such a simple promise?
Poor Sri… I have done the same thing to him over and over again. And the gentleman that he is, he has pointed it out to me only twice. Incidentally never blogged about it too : )
But although I am guilty of the same offense, such incidents tend to pique me off… unreturned phone calls, mails that aren’t responded to, Online messages that are viewed and happily forgotten or ignored (???) without a mere acknowledgement… all these things anger me. I can be patient with people for a lot of things and indeed for such unanswered correspondences but it irks me nevertheless…
The other day, I was reading about Cross Cultural Sensitivity – India. [Just got curious about body language and stuff like that and having done with the ways and styles of interacting with the Japanese, the French, the American, the Brits… I finally did a Mohan Bhargav aka Swades and tried to understand the great India psyche]
Imagine my utter shock on reading these two points:
1.) For appointments in India, it is better to be early and be prepared for late arrivals. Timelines are very flexible in India. People there prefer to make person to person contact and timelines aren’t given importance.
2.) When invited for a function or a family dinner and not inclined to attend, you would do better to say, “I will try” or something on the similar lines that a straight-faced decline which can be viewed as contempt.
I am not going to get into the timelines part of it. This was put so that I could express my outrage at having read it… Coming to the 2nd point, which is valid for this article… Why? Why do we have to be so touchy feely? Why can’t we really take a No for an answer? Why does any negative response of any sort directly hit our ego and self-esteem? Why do we always assume we are at the center of the Universe and anything or anyone that refuses to fall in line with our visions of future and our scheme of things is to be suspected or is a megalomaniac?
What great calamity would befall if the caller at the other end would have given a logical end to the conversation with something like, “Hey my PM is here. I got to go… we will catch up some other time…” How difficult is that to do? Dont you trust your friend enough to understand that she/he wont take it as a blow to her/his ego? Why don’t people respond to mails/offline messages that they see sometime AFTER those are being sent? How difficult is THAT to do? Why keep the other person wondering/waiting? How tough is it to dash off a single line of mail saying you have received the mail/call/offliner and that you are busy right now and will get back later? Then again, if you aren’t inclined to talk to the other person [esp. if it is someone like our dear Mr. P-I-D-N], how tough is it to at least hint you aren’t willing to hear from the other person?
They say ignorance is bliss. Might be in some conditions but not always for sure! How many of us lose good friendships (and perhaps soulmates too at times) because we are careless/lax in our responses. And how many of the *pests*, we go on enduring because we just haven’t got the courage to stand up and say,” Buzz off”…
Silences are deafening at times too… a little more thought in our actions can make a BIG difference to our relationships…
So Sridhar, I am sorry for all the times that I have promised to call back and dint… :$ I promise I wont repeat it [if I can help it :P]
6 comments:
Hmm..interesting analysis of the Great Indian Pysche.
The sorry in the end doesn't however, cover the fact that u're not going to change in a hurry, at least ;)
but u've given a great excuse : u're an indian too :p
The adorably self imp Sri is yet to change...
I see you did acknowledged the apology but there wasnt a "Its ok" forthcoming! :)
Do not forget being set of side burner that easily, do we? :)
Thats ok re... And bro, who says I am not changing. My telephone bills this month are gonna be the proof enough!
“Never trust this person to keep his word”. O my God! The utterance is mine!!
"cant even keep such a simple promise?"
Madam! it is NOT supposed to be a promise. It is just a way to signal the end of a not-so-important coversation.
"all these things anger me."
Oh! cool down madam!! You need to forget those "promises" instantaneously and increase your levels of tolerance without compromising on your sensitivity. (Wondering how it is possible!? I too don't know...after all, an advice is the easiest thing to give. ;) )
"Why keep the other person wondering/waiting?"
Ah... I myself am guilty of doing this umpteen number of times. Will note this now onwards.
With this, Are you prompting all readers of your blog to leave a comment or what!?!?!?
"timelines aren’t given importance."
Much has been said about the Indian punctuality.
"Why does any negative response of any sort directly hit our ego and self-esteem?"
This is a question I have asked myself time and again over many years but still searching for an answer.
"Silences are deafening at times too… a little more thought in our actions can make a BIG difference to our relationships…"
Well said.
A good post indeed.
O my God! The utterance is mine!! --- This is a universal thought Trivikram Garu... All of us feel the same manner when we are left in the lurch.
Madam! it is NOT supposed to be a promise. It is just a way to signal the end of a not-so-important coversation. --- Well, isnt "Lets talk about it sometime else" a better way to end a not so imp convo? What I am trying to say here is that the other person also needs to be given some credit, right? whats the fun in making the other person wait for your call? I wudnt do it and I dont expect people to either!
Oh! cool down madam!! You need to forget those "promises" instantaneously and increase your levels of tolerance without compromising on your sensitivity. (Wondering how it is possible!? I too don't know...after all, an advice is the easiest thing to give. ;) ) --- Its not about tolerance. These things dont change my friendships. It just makes me uncomfortable and grumpy.
Ah... I myself am guilty of doing this umpteen number of times. Will note this now onwards. --- :))) I know that. Been at the recieving end quite often :P
With this, Are you prompting all readers of your blog to leave a comment or what!?!?!? --- No, but I seriously expect replies to all the mails and the offliners and the missed calls that people so easily forget/ignore. If a person (not only me) has taken an effort to mail/call/ping you, the least u can do is respond. if u are not inclined to, then at least tell them that.
Much has been said about the Indian punctuality. --- but how much have we changed?
This is a question I have asked myself time and again over many years but still searching for an answer. -- me 2, maybe its just the great Indian psyche...
"Silences are deafening at times too… a little more thought in our actions can make a BIG difference to our relationships…"
Well said. -- wellthanks...
A good post indeed. --- thank u! :)
Well... I attribute it to my forgetfulness :)
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