The little Rascals!

Every one who has had the chance to talk to me about children and their antics has heard one or more of these anecdotes for sure. But for all those, I haven’t ever met personally and for all those who feel guilty for troubling their parents as kids, making their lives a living nightmare, let me succor you… The next time Mom tells you, how impossible a kid you were make her come to my page and read this article and she will look at you as if you were a cherubic angel : )
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Raghu and I have been impossible kids ever since the day we were born.
1.) Annam Parabrahma Swaroopam

The “Food is God’s manifestation” lesson was so much abused by my brother that the effects resound till date as Archana, the glutton. He used to make me eat both the Tiffin-boxes, mom used to pack so that he could use the lunch interval in more *useful* pursuits e.g.: Football/Competing with classmates over the number of Pani-puris each of them could gobble.

2.) Theory of Origin of the enigma called Archana Amperayani

Then again, I was supposedly not born of my parents. One evening when Dad, Mom and Raghu were out on a stroll, I was lying in the dustbin and dogs were licking me. [As one can gather, Rags has one hell of a dirty imagination… Cancerian to the T].Mom took pity on me and got me home against his sane advice, I was told…

Fact: When I was born, and when for the first time he saw me THESE were his exact words. “Khampu kothundi… Deenini venekkicheddam!” – Translation: She stinks. Let’s give her back. : (

3.) THE Story of our lives OR Those who have an elder brother will survive

When he was around 2-3 years old and I was of 8 months of age, Dad and Mom were performing the Ganesh Chaturthi Pooja. I was in the *macharrdaani* (domateraa/ mosquito net) on the bed and he was asked to look after me for as long as the Pooja time.

Restless little brat that he was, he got bored after some time and inspired by the Ramayana he had seen recently, he tucked Dads silk dhoti in his half pant ala Hanuman and lighted it. Chanting “Jai Ram Ji, Jai Lakshman Ji”, he went all around the nylon mosquito net. In no time, the whole thing was up in flames. He realized his folly and with all the strength a 3 year old could muster, took me up and threw me off the bed. And sat down, on the bed [till date, I dint understand why he dint jump off the bed too] waiting for the last minute.

The impact of falling on the ground made me go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawling in a loud voice and mom and dad rushed to find the baby on the floor and the elder son – a picture of gloom – on the bed waiting to die. The fire wasn’t that big, dad tells me but mom was like “Ee Pooja kadu kaani iroji naa iddarru pillallu chachipoinde vallu” [Trans: “Leave the worship aside, today both of my kids would have been dead”]

If you thought Raghu was a devil incarnate, Hark! I haven’t been any less of a punishment on the noble souls dad and mom have been…

4.) Miss India wannabe?!!?

When I was young, I had these heavy tresses that were a treat to the eyes and silk to the touch but a punishment for Mom to wash. Poor thing! Every Sunday, after the grueling session she had would have to doze off to rest her aching arms. THAT I would be screaming at the top of my lungs all the time did little to mitigate her exhaustion. On one such day, after she was done with the washing part, she left me sitting in the sun to let my hair dry and went out for an errand.

I was sitting on the porch of the house facing the road wondering why mom did such a lousy job of washing my hair (The thankless wretch I was!). I swore to myself that the smell of Parachute oil was still dominating over the Shikakai. While I sat musing solemnly about such a grave matter my eyes rested on – DISCLAIMER: Well! If you are overtly genteel in manners, you would do good to STOP reading at this point of time. The author is not to be blamed for any disturbances in the tummy experienced as an aftermath of finishing the rest of the story – goat’s droppings! Yes sire! Now all of you out there who have had the chance to spot this natural residue and the seeds of shikakai can immediately relate the similarities between the two.

Assuming that I these WERE shikakai seeds AND that I could do a better job of washing my own hair than my mom, I took those things up and start rubbing them vigorously against my hair. The emanating stench DID make me stop and think for a while that something might be wrong, but then I thought if I rubbed it more vigorously maybe it would start lathering and stop the smell. But well, Shikakai is shikakai and something else remains something else no matter what you do! To sum it up, I got a well-deserved sound trashing that day and well, another wash too (Poor Mom!)

Then there were numerous other instances. I don’t know which all to list and which to omit. Dad and mom dreaded going out shopping leaving the two of us behind all by ourselves. And the true Shravan kumars that we were, we never faltered on living up to their expectations. Our fights are a legion in the neighborhoods that we grew up in. The tiffs that we had DID lessen once Raghu went to hostel to do his graduation but till this date we just cant stay without at least an argument WITHIN 24 hours of meeting up. Yes Sir, Even today. And as you read this, Raghu is 27 years old (23-July-1978) and yours truly will be hitting on 25 (08-Aug-1981) soon...

No wonder then, Mom still thinks we are the worst kids in terms of mischief that God could inflict on ANYONE and Dad swears(jokingly, of course) he will have absolutely nothing to do with our kids. To put it in his own words, “Mee iddarru mamallni kalchukoni tinattu mee pillallu kuda mimallmi peekutarru. Appudu nenu mummy happy ga choosthu kurchuntamu” : ) [Trans:The way you have tormented us, your kids will also do the same to you. Then as you suffer, mom and I will sit watching gaily at all that is happening!]

I swear if I have kids who are anything like me, I am seriously going to dump then on a scrap-heap. And as dogs lick them, I hope that someone as gullible as my parents will find them and take them home. And when they do, God help the poor souls!! : )