Telugu movies - FTW or WTF?

Being married to a hardcore movie addict is a perplexing proposition. DH can binge watch Telugu movies sometimes over three a day. Being married to me - who cant sit through a single movie without 20 breaks - can't be easy for him I suppose. However, in the last 8 years or so of our marriage, I have watched more than a lion's share of the so-called "leave your brains home" brand of movies our lovely Tollywood likes to dish out by scores... Usually, the story line goes like this - there is this "hero". He is adored by scores of people for this "image". So the movie invariably includes 3 heroines, some mass masala dialogues - double entendre is the way of our lives here, one double meaning item song for the front benchers and of course a villian to beat the pulp out of. This - I had learnt to stomach.

For most part the paternalistic misogynist view some of these movies take, can be overlooked as little harmless, peppered with cinematic imagination, artistic license or whatever rocks your boat... But once in a while there comes a brilliant WTF moment that leaves you scratching your head looking at the calendar in dismay wondering if this is indeed the 21st century? Sometimes this is scene (as above) or a poster or just an unusually explicit double meaning dialogue in a family entertainer. Those are easy to spot and comment on.

However sometimes the realisation comes hard and ugly through an epiphany. This weekend DH was on a movie binge. Given weekend time should be "family time" I tried to give in and watch some of it with him. The first movie was Drushyam. A brilliant movie, tight script and some wonderful emoting by all. Brought home the perils of technology and gave me a lot of ideas re. the " birds and bees" talk for DD.

Least of which - a surreptitiously taken photograph or an explicitly recorded video is not the victim's cross to bear. There is no shame in taking off clothes to take a shower (Hint: That's how roughly 100% of the world population showers....). If someone records you in the act then get his/her sorry ass to cybercell and do not worry if there are strangers ogling at your naked dick/vag pic or boob pics online. That's not YOUR shame its theirs and that is how it should remain. But that's digression for this post...

Anyone who watched that movie would agree, the guy who recorded and subsequently blackmailed the heroine and her mother - soliciting sex in lieu of not making the video public - was the VILLIAN. The situation was horrifying. The daughter was being victimised.

Interestingly, the next movie DH watched was Govindudu Andarivadele. A parallel story track in the movie - Hero records some drunk pics of the heroine (HINT: Pics clicked without heroine's consent..) A short while later in their ancestral village, the guy who recorded and subsequently blackmailed the heroine - soliciting kisses and embraces laced with heavy sexual undertone in lieu of not making her drunken shenanigans public - was the HERO. The situation was "romantic". The lady was being wooed.

The mind boggles at how a top hero agrees to endorse this sort of a garbage... In a family movie, no less. So imagine a parent having that TALK after Drushyam. We talk about the perils of technology. The concept of consent. The criminal element to the whole blackmail thing.

But then comes a shitfest like this one. The same actions are being eulogised. The guy is a hero for crying out loud. This is how a girl is wooed. It mucks up the concept of what is OKAY and what is not for girls and boys alike.

I dread the argument - But that was in a shower. This girl was drunk and dancing in a bar. She kissed him for God's sake. He FELL in love after the kiss, you see...

ONE - No consent in the clicks
TWO - Inebriated conditions is legally not an acceptable decision making state
THREE - Blackmail is still illegal
FOUR - Romance does not being with illegal behaviours and that is not how relationships SHOULD get started.
FIVE - This is also victim blaming at best...

Unfortunately, every other mainstream movie has this thread in our regional movies.

SVSC - Mahesh Babu tells the girl - You should feel happy we are creating memories for you. "When I was young, guys used to evetease and molest me as well" apparently is what girls aspire to in terms of memories...

Attarintiki Daredi - An amnesia ridden heroine is treated like a lap dog. The hero weaves a miserable tale of how her elder sister was hit by a truck or something (Hint - lies, because he is being burnt by her loving someone else LONG BEFORE he even came of the scene...)

Just to name two more...

Given stuff like this gets passed through censor board time and again I really wonder there is the FTW here... This is out and out W...T.... F!!! Sorry DH - This shit aint for me no more!!!

My struggles - Accepting my introversion

Introvert? You? – That is the most common reaction when I tell people that I am one of those introverts you read about. People imagine introverts to be a species of people who shun all forms of public contact preferring to dwell in the darkest corners of a basement pondering over a myriad mix of chemicals or pagan rituals. (We do and we will come after you!! But that is not ALL there is to us…). 

Or maybe a breed of people so shy and geeky they stutter and stammer at the mere sight of another human being.

Seriously though – extroversion and introversion are not black and white. They come in different shades of grays. Depending on your life stage one might even swing from one end of the spectrum to other though at the core they still are firmly rooted in one category or the other.

These are merely the base nature that relates to how people recharge. For introverts, a quite Me-time after a long day is not a choice or a luxury. It’s a deep need that helps them recharge their human batteries. Extroverts crave company in the same way. Human interaction, social conversations and forming social connections is what they need to be able to function next day again. This is not to say that introverts cannot handle social interactions or extroverts can’t contemplate in solitude. It’s merely not their idea of “rest”.

However society has a definitive view of personality types that are “successful”. People, or mixing with people, is a central theme to all humanity. Think of a ROLE MODEL that personifies or screams “successful”. In all likelihood, your mind conjured up a very social, good looking creature (possibly male) who is for a want of a better term “the life of a party”. Popular literature and culture has fed that image in our heads for so long that it’s almost impossible to notice the quieter models of success.  Google “famous introverts’ “successful introverts” and there are some pretty surprising results out there that will make you rethink this idea.

Greatest scientific mind in all history? Albert Einstein. Introvert.

The most recognisable Indian in all world? Mahatma Gandhi. Introvert.

One of the first IT revolutionaries? Bill Gates. Introvert.

Arguably, the most celebrated advocate for women empowerment. Emma Watson. Introvert.

The most celebrated contemporary author? J.K Rowling. Introvert. 

People from all categories of human nature have been changing the world and introverts have been on this journey just as long as the extroverts though this has not fed into the popular culture as yet.

One of my many travails in the MBA year was the constant emphasis on networking, meeting new people, forming new connections and socialising. Every. Single. Day. Our well-meaning and usually benevolent careers team made a point to drill the importance of cultivating contacts in the real world. For most part, this is a sensible advice. And looking at the emphasis laid on this in all the Ivy leagues around the world, this is on par with the rest of the world. However, when one third of the population in the world are truly introverts, there needs to be effective thought on how to make this process relevant for those who are at the rear of the introversion spectrum.

When you integrate success so closely with socialising isn’t it also a given then that there needs to effective strategies to help the introverts go through these loops? Frankly speaking my MBA year put me in touch with my inner self more than anything. Giving the emphasis on understanding the human psychology, behavioural psychology and organizational psychology, one cannot walk away from a good MBA program having not understood where you stand on the scale. Pre-MBA, for the longest time I thought if I gave into my desire to be “alone” I would never be successful. If I did away with all social interaction, I’d stand nowhere. Right from my engineering days I worked so hard to mingle with people, understand their viewpoints and “integrate into the mainstream” that I forgot I was working doubly harder than everyone else who did not happen to be introverted in nature.

For them a social-do is just about meeting new people and understanding them, relating to them, finding a common point of conversation and building the networks. For me for ALL THESE TASKS I’d have to work at “being there” “listen” “focus on the speaker” “don’t daydream” “don’t look at the door looking for an escape window”. No wonder I ended up so exhausted. No wonder I formed so little of those meaningful connections in those years where I was constantly in a tug-of-war between “Stay” and “Look – escape window”.

Exhausted. Frustrated. Defeated. Deflated. That was me every single day of trying to be an extrovert that I was not and failing miserably at it. 

A very popular idiom that has an equal saying in almost every language “The darkest hour precludes every dawn”. Nothing has been truer in my case. One of the worst on-job experiences taught me of my inherent incapability to play this game any more. Coupled with a Armageddon in my personal life, I had no choice but to turn into what I really was all along and retreat back into my mental dungeon.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. “ - Aristotle

I took a good 8 months off every form of social contact and constantly revisited what I was going wrong, what I really wanted in life and what were the BARE ESSENTIALS when it came to survival. Given how battered my confidence and self-esteem were, I knew a professional scene at this moment would ruin me forever. Plus, given I had marked myself FAILURE in almost all aspects of my life I needed to do something that would make me “feel good” about myself. A lifelong ambition – the dearly regarded MBA – seemed like just the thing. I never focused on anything in life as much until that day (and truth be told, since then, for that matter). 

Once at the B-school of my choice, I was again bombarded with the same message over and over again – Network. Network. Network. Make connections. Be successful.

For some reason though it did not sound right. I was still recuperating from the wounds of the last two decades of battling and deeply wary of going in for another round. So I searched deeper for some more answers? What is their definition of success? Turned out KPMG, Bain, Booz, BCG, McKinsey and likes. Jet-Set-Go lifestyle. A 200k+ salary. Private club membership with power lunches and big names from the corporate world. I knew from the word go that this would NOT be me. Success or not.

My first foray into the professional world after motherhood was in a different city from the baby. I lasted 5 weeks being a Mon-Fri mom. For most part I don’t even mention that on my resume anymore. Ok to travel? Not.

Money? How much is enough? I had already hit the ceiling in terms of my pay in the local market with the “job from hell”. That did not make me happy. The joy of the salary lasted for EXACTLY one pay cycle. Ok to be unhappy in a high paying job? Not.

Private club? What private club? Why a private club for me? Unless you are talking about a club with no one else in sight and no one to talk to. (If you have a private club like that – Shut up and take my money. Take it now!) My idea of a power lunch is a veggie sandwich in a clean café with a book in hand and unobtrusive waiters who do not feel the need to “chat up” their customers. So again - a private club? No.

With that my mind began to turn and I seriously introspected on what I needed in my life. I was miserable in consulting. I was miserable being a housewife. Having been independent all my life in terms of finances, I needed to stay the same. For some it’s a matter of pride. For some others, it’s a necessity. For me, it’s a precursor to sanity.

But then that was all there was to it. I couldn’t handle having an all-consuming job. Because I already have one. Being a mom. Given I’d spend a good amount of my time being a mom, I’d want my life after job to leave enough to let me be me. Embracing who I am has been the most liberating experience of my life.

In the past couple of years, I travel light. I have relationships. Just the few which add purpose and meaning to my life. I have a job. But that is just so that I am financially independent. I am a mom.  But I understand that my daughter’s life and her struggles are her own and I do not (and can NOT) pick problems from her plate to solve.

In the past, I made a lot of career moves that I knew were wrong. But I made them in the pursuit of success, money, name and/or validation from other people. Now I have made drastic career moves. Alarming, some might say. But I know I will thrive in here. I know this is what I am meant to be. And I have never been happier than this before.

And I could sum this up in the words of Susan Cain –

“…introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.” 

Religion and me...

Who am I? Where do I come from? What is the meaning and the purpose of this life? – The existential dilemma has bothered each one of us at some point of time in life. And these questions have stayed back with the mankind since ages. A good number of us have at some point of time turned to religion for the answers.

For others religion is not about seeking a higher meaning to our lives but it’s just an aspect of their identity conferred by the accident of birth. Indeed, the birth of a human differs from all the other ones in a sense that as a human being the simple event of being born bestows some characteristics that none of the other animals are forced to accept. Nationality, regional identity, religion.

Personally, I was born in a Hindu Brahmin family in the early 80s. My life and my journey along the way to where I am today has put me at an interesting crossroads of sort. And THAT is what I am here to talk about.

At a personal level I am still a “practising” Hindu. And entirely by choice.

I lost my parents-in-law quite soon after my marriage. An unfortunate falling out with the rest of the family few years later has to come to mean that I have no interference from the family I married into. My husband is a quite a non-practising Hindu himself, thus I am free to dress as I please. Yet I wear the insignia of my marriage – bindi, taali, toe-rings, sindoor etc with a great pride. In a large way that is who I am and my freedom to dress as I choose to means I dress AS I LIKE. As an Indian in Australia, I do stand out when I am out but then that is who I am. I feel bereft without these and so I refuse to take them off.

Though - Is this necessarily a religious sentiment? Not really. Like so many other Indian women, my taali finds its way under the pillow every single night. The sindoor goes off for a toss when I have a really bad bout of dandruff. Many a times the morning rush, I forget to wear my bindi. Though I hate looking at my face on such days (again a matter of habit!) I won’t rush to home or the nearest Indian store for restocking a spare.

Again, I am in plenty superstitious. If I don a new dress/purse/jewellery and have an altercation with the man-of-the-house or have some other unfortunate event you can bet your life I will not wear it again. Ditto for the other side of the coin. All my engineering exams, I wore the EXACT same dress that helped me clear a particularly hard one in first year. My mother swore the dress would fall in tatters the day I finished my engineering.

So what does it take a person like me to rue turning away from religion? And AM I turning away from religion.

Let me attempt to take it one at a time. Growing up, I had a motley crew of people around me. Muslims, Christians, Hindus from all levels of the purported caste system. Growing up - we were always told religion and castes do not matter.

My dad, a liberal soul, who happens to be one of the biggest influence on me growing up and continues to be my guiding post judged people on their merit, their nature and how they dealt with people around them. People who put him off – he never spoke ill of them or picked up fights with them. They would just cease to exist in his life and his mind. I was always envious of his ability to “tune out the noise”. If they reviled him, it reached his ears but never his heart. In that sense, dad has always symbolised “karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana” aspect of Hinduism.

Yes, he did 108 recitations of “Poojyaya Raghavendraya” on the way to work, yes he understood the art (or science) of Vedic astrology, yes he could recite the Vishnu Sahasranamam and Lalitha Sahasranamam without having to refer to the texts if he so pleased. Yet he is the truest of karmayogis as well. He related to people without labelling them into buckets of religion or caste.

He never encouraged (in fact actively discouraged) the ritualistic aspect of Hinduism. Rather than fast the entire day in name of God and turn waspish towards the end of the day, he would rather we spent our efforts on the more unfortunate than us. Rather than spend thousands of rupees running after jyotishis he would rather we spent time trying harder to achieve whatever goal we had set in mind.

Never before than now in life, have I appreciated what he taught us. When I look back at some of the more memorable moments of my life - Friends (and/or near-strangers who went to become role models) from all walks of life have come in my life and enriched it all the more. Friends who cheered for me on paths of success, friends who picked me up in times I needed a helping hand – These are the people who quoted choicest excerpts from my religion and practises of my faith to support what they had in mind to lift me up and egg me on to reach for the stars. These are PEOPLE who cared. PEOPLE for whom I mattered. Who they were in terms of their nationality or religion or caste is a moot point.

On the other hand, people in close quarters – sometimes friends, sometimes close family have wreaked havoc in my psyche. Hoped I’d fail. Declared upset at my wins. Quoted choicest excerpts from my religion and practises of my faith to support what they had in mind for themselves and for me. Again, these were PEOPLE who craved my downfall. PEOPLE on whose nerves I rankled.  Who they were in terms of their nationality or religion or caste is a moot point.

And in the end this is what has mattered. Analysing people through a set of blueprints labelled Caste, Region, Religion or Nationality does not matter. Some people are gems who should be held on to at all costs. Some people are assholes. You can NOT let go of them faster. Bringing any other aspect except their basic nature is a wrong way to go.

Further, like dialects, there are so many shades to any organised religion it’s nearly impossible to pin point a definitive version of any religion. Which tenet of Hinduism I chose to pick or ignore is just as personal a choice as the particular dialect of Telugu I learnt to speak. And given any religion is a conduit of MY PERSONAL EQUATION with MY GOD who reserves the right to comment on it?   

So it immensely saddens me to see the current public discourse in newspapers all across the world. Condemning Islam. Calling Muslims all over to the world to condemn attacks as if they are responsible for fringe elements hijacking their faith. In the same vein – Am I responsible for all the Ghar Wapsis, vandalism in the name of hurt religious sentiments and Hindu militia happening back home in India? I relate to all that just as much as some of my Muslim friends relate to the fringe elements in THEIR religion. Who the hell is Sakshi Maharaj and why is he telling me to have four kids? Does every Christian friend of mine need to apologize for all the cases of child abuse Church has been involved in?

Thousands of years on earth later, why are we still fighting on whose God is stronger, mightier, more benevolent and more omniscient? If you like a red dress and are free to wear one without me insisting you wear my favourite shade of yellow, why can’t be let our faith be a matter of purely personal choice as well. And yet, there is something about our religious fervour that does not let us look the other way when we think people around us are NOT conforming to our views or version of faith.

From what I have seen - Religion is not a problem as much as the sense of pride in “all things my faith” people insist on. I’ve recently engaged in a quite a number of “passionate exchange of opinions” with people who keep dropping on my Facebook posts to point out how wrong I am, how misguided my view on religion and Islam is and how I am missing the point of their fervour. These are usually followed by private messages on how Hindus of the world need to unite, take collective pride in our roots and ensure the continuity of the religion? (What, what and WHAT?) My kneejerk response has always been to UNSUSCRIBE from their posts on my feed. Secondly, I refuse to pay attention to their comments on pages of common friends. But I refuse to let them get away with militating page. I refuse to let them assume silence amounts to consent. And so more and more each day I am drawn into argument after argument on things that are so bloody personal that none of us is ever going to change our position on it by fraction of a millionth of an inch just because the other yelled louder than us. At best we both come across as opinionated assholes. If not, it might just amount to a pyrrhic victory where you win an argument and lose a closely cultivated relationship. I desire no sainthood conferred upon me but having lost many a dear and valued relationships to inane reasons I abhor having to give up any more if I can help it.

Which makes me wonder – Do I keep close to my heart my interpretation on what a Hindu is or what a Hindu does? Or just let go of my religion altogether (at least on social media) so that I don’t have to spend endless hours debating semantics. Again, is that not hypocrisy in itself. And my dear “involved” Hindu brethren – Do you not become N-1 by losing that one person from an already “extinct” breed?

So yes, inane debate on what should our thoughts and interpretations of religion should be notwithstanding - what should we be allowed to believe in or not, how should we relate to people from other religions in personal capacity are a matter of individual introspection and comfort.

From where I see it - The world does not need religion as much as it needs humanity today. Honor killings, female infanticide, sexual assault on women, growing corruption, homophobia, xenophobia, climate change, world hunger, poverty and many more maladies ail us today collectively as a specifies. These are problems that need more attention and work than what I believe my God says.

In immortal words of Abraham Lincoln - When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion. 

What defines you?

What defines me? Its very simple. I was born in a great family. My mother is my aadi guruvu(first teacher). I learnt from her. My dad is my ideal in life. I look upto him. My brother is my best friend. I could kill for him. My husband is the ultimate family man and an exact replica of my dad in strength of character. I could die for him. My daughter is the greatest joy of my life. She's made me realise that now I am a role model so I should conduct myself in a way that I can instruct her tomorrow. They taught me by example the strength in adversity, to observe, to let go, to introspect, to keep learning and keep growing. They have been patient when I fell, appreciative when I flew and just been there when I was down. I live my life in a way they can hold their head high and say - thats our Archana! THIS is what defines me.... What defines YOU?

A take on life - in Hindi

आज कई दिनों बाद दिल ने कहा हिंदी में कुछ लिखो| ज़िन्दगी बारे में लिखो| उस
सफ़र के बारे में लिखो जिसपे हम सब ही चले जा रहे हैं|

ज़िन्दगी क्या हैं? कौनसा शक्स जिंदा हैं? मेरे नज़रिये में जिंदा वही हैं
जिसे दिल से मुसकुराना याद हैं| जिंदा वही हैं जो एक नन्हे से बच्चे की
किलकारी पे खुश हो सकता हैं| जिंदा वही हैं जो बारिष में रुके हुए गाड़ियों की
कतार को नहीं देखता बल्की फूलों और पत्तों पे बिछी ओस जैसे बूंदों को देख
सकता हैं| जिंदा वो नहीं जो इसलिए रोये की किसी ने उसकी कदर नहीं की| जिंदा वो
हैं जो इसलिए खुश हैं की उसे अपनी कदर हैं| तुम्हे कौन प्यार करता हैं
तुम्हे कौन चाहता हैं ये ज़रूरी हैं| पर इससे बढ़कर ये ज़रूरी हैं की जिसने
तुम्हे प्यार किया, जिसने तुम्हारी कदर की, जिसने तुम्हे इज्ज़त दी, तुमने
उसके साथ क्या किया|

मैं रोज़ train में सफ़र करती हूँ| कई लोगों की बातें सुनती हूँ| कई सारे
एहसास महसूस होते हैं लोगों के पास से| कुछ लोगों की तो शकल देख के लगता हैं –
इसके चेहरे पे 12 क्यों बजे हैं!!! हाँ – हो सकता हैं की ज़िन्दगी में
मुश्किल हो| रोज़ रोज़ तुम्हारे सामने नये पहाड़ खड़े हो| पर ज़िन्दगी की ही
तरह दुनिया में भी पहाड़ तो होते हैं| कई लोग शौक से उन पहाड़ों की चढ़ाई करते
हैं| क्योंकि चाहे उस सफ़र में जितनी तकलीफ हो, उस चढाई के आगे का जो नज़ारा
हैं उस पहाड़ की ऊंचाई पे जो ताज़गी हैं वो नीचे ज़मीन पे नहीं मिलेगी| पर
दुनिया के पहाड़ों को चढ़ के उतरना ही पढता हैं, ज़िन्दगी में जो एक बार तुमने
पहाड़ पार कर लिया जो ऊंचाई पा ली, वहां से तुम्हे उतारना बस भगवान के हाथ में
हैं|

तुमसे जो प्यार करते हैं तुम उनसे प्यार करो| तुम्हे जो चाहते हैं, उनकी
इज्ज़त करो| तुम जिन्हे चाहते हो, उस कतार में सबसे आगे अपने आप को रखो|
क्योंकि फिर चाहे वो कोई भी क्यों ना हो, ज़िन्दगी के पहेले नज़ारे से ज़िन्दगी
के आखरी पल तक, तुम्हारा साथ सबसे पहेले तुम ही देते हो| अगर अपने आप के साथ
नहीं जी सकते तो उस ज़िन्दगी के कोई मायने नहीं रह जाते| सुनो सब की, करो
वही जो तुम्हारे दिल की हो| क्योंकि कल पलट के तुम अपनी ज़िन्दगी को देखो तो
तुम्हारी हार में भी तुम्हारे मेहनत और तुम्हारे इमानदारी के वो यादें तुम्हे
ख़ुशी ही देंगे.

कई ऐसी चीज़ें हैं कई ऐसे मंज़र हैं जो मैं चाहती थी पर हासिल नहीं कर पाई| पर
मेरी हर कोशिश में एक इमानदारी थी एक सच्चाई थी| मैंने जो चाह वो हमेशा दिल से
चाहा| मिलना न मिलना वो मेरे भगवान के हाथ में था| और जिस चीज़ को भगवन ने
मुझे नहीं दिया, उसमें ज़रूर कोई न कोई कमी रही ही होगी, ये मेरा विश्वास हैं|

आज मैं जहाँ हो वहां पे भी कुछ कमिया तो हैं| पर सारे रंग अगर एक ही साथ मिल
जाए तो कोरी सफेदी ही बनाते हैं| मैं क्यों उन कमियों को देख कर
दुखी होना चाहूंगी जब मेरे पास खुश होने के लिए भी इतना सारा हैं? जिस उंचाई
पे मैं आज खड़ी हूँ वहां का नज़ारा ही बहुत अच्छा हैं| लेकिन जो सामने इससे भी
ऊंचा पहाड़ हैं उसका नज़ारा और कितना हसीन होगा| यहाँ बैठी मैं - या तो यही खुश
हो सकती हूँ की येही बहुत हैं, या चलके वहाँ देख सकती हूँ| दोनों ही मेरे हाथ
में हैं| अगर मैं रुकी - तो ये सोचना बेकार हैं की मैंने पता नहीं क्या खो
दिया| क्योंकि वो मेरा फैसला था| अगर मैं निकल पड़ी, तब भी ये मेरा ही फैसला
होगा| निकलने की उस घडी ही में सफ़र में आने वाली हर मुश्किल के बारे में
शिकायत करने का हक खो देती हूँ|

कल क्या होगा पता नहीं| कल जो हुआ था अब मैं उसका कुछ नहीं कर सकती| ज़िन्दगी
में ये जो आज हैं वही आगे जाके मेरी यादें बनेंगी| मेरी ज़िन्दगी इस आज को
खूबसूरत बनाने की कोशिश हैं! यही हैं मेरी ज़िन्दगी और इसी लिए मैं खुश हूँ|
और चुकीं मैं खुश हूँ मैं जिंदा हूँ|

I wish I knew...

Things of which I wish I knew before -

1. Be good, do good and that's about it - Neki karr daariya mein daal!!!
2.At every turn, life gives you choices. Choose wisely. No one will appreciate what you get right, its only the inconsequential wrongs that linger on...
3. Every good turn doesn't expect another...
4. Don't try to matter to people who don't matter...
5. People who matter can matter to the extent you wish them to matter... As the old saying goes, if you get hurt once, its other's faults. If it happens again, its yours!!!
6. A woman should have a career above all. Its gives a sense of self worth and respect that comes in handy when others keep on pulling you down...
7. Don't worry about trifles... Anything that wouldn't matter to you 10 years ago and wont matter to you in 10 years time (both inclusive) is a trifle...
8. Rely on your instincts. Sometimes they are way more powerful than what the eyes see.
9. If sad, go for a walk. If sadder, turn to the blog. If saddest, try to grow in your life. The higher you climb the smaller issues left behind seem.
10. In the end, it all works out for good!!! As long as you have a clean conscience, nothing else matters!!!

Lonely Soul – Personal beliefs in this age. Are we better or worse than the older generation?

Practicality is the bane of many lives. And in so many ways the desire to conform. In earlier days, that meant spirituality and religion. In today’s world that means a certain sense of cynicism. If questioning the tenants of religion was sacrilege in those days, the absolute faith in Lord Almighty, God, Holy Son, a power greater than us or (heavens forbid!) science is deemed childish or archaic today.

How sad is it that the modern day man likes to think of himself as evolved and tolerant. Yet he is intolerant of someone who is little bit different to himself. In the Indian context – we say we are modern because we believe “love marriages” are better. They might be your truth but why ridicule if “arranged marriages” work for someone else? Being an atheist or a non-practising Hindu might work for you. What is wrong if someone else wants to go to temple or worship every single day? If you are based out of India, you look upon every “NRI” as a traitor. If you are on the other side of the equation, you see all the people left back in India as losing out of opportunities to grow and lead a “better” life.

Women take it to ridiculous proportions too. Every silly single thing – your choice of name for your kid, your decision to have a kid early, your decision to have a single kid, your choice to breastfeed, your choice to work or not work, your choice of clothes, downright to your physical relationship with your husband/partner – nothing is sacred, nothing is off limits, nothing is private.

Social networks and your ability to “reconnect” with old chums and long forgotten friends irrespective of the geographical and cultural distances has merely got more people in our lives to comment and pass judgement on every single choice that we make. Where is then the tolerance we have come to associate our “modernity” with?

Lonely Soul – Count your blessings and the people

The life so far - Made some great friends. Made no enemies, at least where avoidable. Some people chose me for which I am grateful. Some chose not to choose me for which the loss is mine in some instances and in some others it’s been a relief. Some stayed in touch. Some drifted apart. Some keep moving in and out based on how busy our lives have been. Some made me smile. Some made me cry. Some made me laugh. Some made me feel good. Some made me feel petty and conceited. The life I have led, the person I have become – it all comes down to people.

Sometimes so much so that in phases of life, my life was more about the people than about me. Which has been a good thing and a bad thing by turns. I count my blessings for the people who made me the good person I am. I regret the people and the events that made me the wicked, conceited person I can be. But I am thankful to them that they made it impossible for me to not introspect and accept that like everyone else I am after all a mere mortal and I have my vices to work on.

And though I am at times unnerved by just how much my life is controlled by the people in my life and their perceptions of me and my actions, I am happy for all the times I have been able to please them. And I am happier for the times I have been able to stick my principles and guidelines I wanted in my life when it irked them.

To quote from a book I read – the life is what it is and we are what we are. I accept the people in my life wholeheartedly with their flaws and quirks. And I expect nothing less in return. If that bothers some, I am truly sorry but it is still my life and I am still answerable to my soul for causing it grief and pain and making it sad.

Lonely Soul: Who owns my life?

Its impossible to be ideal,

Difficult to be pragmatic,
Boring to be practical,
Silly to be maudlin.

Sad is the fact that people judge you on the basis of how you live, sadder that you value their opinions, saddest that their perceptions lead you towards a life that is not your own calling. Corny, cliched but true is the fact that the ones who judge couldn't really care any less about how your life turned out and the ones who do care wouldn't judge in the first place. But do you dare to find out if its true? Do I? :)

Lonely Soul: That which was not to be...

Every day of one's life is a decision . Some are petty and of little consequence. Others change the course of life. Then there are those that seem relevant and major but have little to show for in your later days. On the other hand, there are those crucial decisions that seem minor at crossroads of life.

I don't think there can be anyone who can claim to make all the correct decisions all the time. If at all there is someone who can, take a bow man take a bow. For your ignorance shall be your deliverance. Then there are some who are painfully aware of the decisions that dint go the way they should have. Sad really that the decisions that you have already taken and taken wrong are still weighing on your mind and you forget the gift of today in the gloom of what has gone wrong yesterday.

Then there are some more like me who cant help but wonder - What if... The other choices seem delicious now. The other paths oh so promising. But isn't this why hindsight is known to be 20-20. Or is it just that the road "not traveled" seems to be so good because you never got to know the perils of journey down there? Who is to say the other alternatives wouldn't have been worse? Who is to say today is not blessed? And who is to say that tomorrow will see me not repeating the mistakes of the yester?

Life is a journey. One's which will have the hits and the misses. In the end, if I can look back and say - its been more good than bad, its got more blessings than hardships, its got more love and care than denounces and retributions, I'll say - Jolly good!

Why lament or brood over that which was not to be, when you can rejoice over what was to be!!!

Random thoughts...

Life. How strange and how incomprehensible. All of us are scurrying and scampering to get someplace. Only we get there and realise this is not where we want to be and scurry once more. Its pitiful really, to see otherwise well balanced people, intelligent folks, mature individuals do the same.

I look back at my life five years ago. The people, the desires and the hurry to accomplish a few things. The people have scattered, each gone his/her own way to fight their own battles. People with whom I talked to for hours each day sometimes many times a day, are no longer even on civil contact list. Funny how lives have got us all apart. Few of those desires - a car, my own kid, a loving husband - have been accomplished. A few of them - MBA degree, a technical certification, a GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT satisfying job - still elude me. But not that they are that big. But still I cant say I am completely at peace with myself and happy with where I am.

I remember - The days when I was single and working away from home... The days were my own, the time was my own. The shopping sprees with my room mate and best friend. The late night discussions. The endless musings on life, work and all. But then kicked in the pressures of the society to be married. I got into the circle of all the guy-girl seeing, horoscope matching, et all. Thankfully landed with a wonderful guy at the end of it all. But I yearn for the careless abandon of the days gone by.

I remember - The day my child was born, she looked so delicate and fragile, I was scared to touch her lest I "damage" her in some way. The fact that she was four months old already and wouldn't even roll over scared me. At an year when she did not really walk I was worried again. Now at 27 months, she scampers all over the house. My monica-ish speckless house now lays in ruins. And I wistfully remember the days when I could just drop her on the sofa and she would lie still there cooing to herself or to me :)

I could look back and come up with hundred other instances like the ones above. Why? Why do we look forward to change so much and then look back in fond memory of the time gone by?

Today, this place, this time - Why cant this be special for me? Why do I have to look back or ahead for the "better times"? Why cant I make this the best time that exists?

But isn't this also 7:45 in the morning. The time when my daughter goes to daycare in 20 minutes. I need to be at work in another hour. The lunch asks to be cooked. The baby needs to be dressed. And this is just now... I have to get started on my technical certifications this year. We need to plan for our first home.

With so much to plan for, can I still afford to be laid back, sit still and enjoy life.

But - Can I afford not to?

Looking back...

Wonder what could have happened,
If not what eventually did,
Would life have taken a different turn,
Or would it still be this squalid.

How many mistakes and bad choices,
How many wrong paths have I tread,
To have to remember all of them,
Or to account for them I do dread.

I have been a fool,
I have given up too soon,
I have stayed stuck at wrong places,
I have always wanted the wrong boon.

I remember where I was once,
I remember not liking it there,
And now that I have traveled,
I am not liking it here either.

It nags at me so intensely,
The knowledge of all that I lack,
And I know I could have had it all,
And so, I keep looking back...

Politics politics everywhere, not a moment to think...

Wonder how our perceptions are so narrow. I always used to despise the petty petty politics back home. MPs throwing mikes in the assembly, adarniya lalooji making a mockery of the rail budget, behen Mayawati, Mulayam ji... Param pujya Amar Singh ji...

Gosh, I feel sick even as I type...

But cut to 2010. Australia. A representative of masses is kicked out by his own party within a fortnight with collusion with the powerful mining lobby. A lady comes from nowhere to be the "First female prime minister of Australia." Early elections are called. The public disgusted by the leading party's petty politics denounce them in huge numbers and opposition being no good either doesn't get a majority. So what happens? 72 seats each with 4 more needed from the 6 independents. And begins the Rajneeti.

Each side maintains a clear moral stand in public refusing to bad mouth the other. But each of them is trying to woo the independents. If one says yes to letting Treasury evaluate the detailed costings of each party's policies, the other takes the "moral high ground" in not caving in to letting the independent in on the government confidential information. Offers of ministries in return of support is gaining credence in the media too. How so very same to the coalition policies of the Indian counterparts?

Is politics clean anywhere at all? Aren't we all the same beneath the superficial differences!!!

The dilemma of a NRI...

Of all the people who migrate to other countries, South Asia has been at forefront. Of all those countries, Indians are taking a lead. Of all the Indians who have moved out of the "Old country", most of them have a strange hate-love relationship with the country.

Its filth, squalor, corruption, petty politics and "adulterated" life frustrates them. Yet every 26th January, every 15th August, every teej tyohaar is spent crying buckets of tears, its straight to the Indian restaurants on weekends and special days, visits to the temple, carrying out of religious rituals just like how its done back "home" - all these things give a sense of pride. If we sit and think to where we belong - Its always India...

Ours is a generation of paradoxes. We study medicine and engineering but still adhere to the age-old rituals and superstitious. We wish to earn in dollars, live in the comfortable "Western world", but are reluctant to cut the umbilical cord. We show up the Kamasutra as a proof of our sexual enlightenment and yet cringe at the very thought of sex education. We want our kids to have the best upbringing these countries can provide, yet we nurture the deepest desire that our kids will marry "Indian" and preferably in the social/caste hierarchy of the family.

An "Indian Origin" Peter Russells can make fun of our idiosyncrasies and we all can laugh at it. But if a Joel Stein dares to write about us, we will make bonfires of his articles and his snapshots will be thrown in for a good measure. We can crib about the squalor and dirt in India to our hearts content. We are just giving our opinion. If a foreign tourist complains, he is being a nagger. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Mumbai and is robbed, he was a fool to be out that late in the night. A guy goes out at 2 in the night in Melbourne and is robbed, well dint we say that Australians are a racist lot?

While we gloat about how fresh milk and fruits are out "here", we still load spices and pickles from India. While we declare that this is the way/place to live, we still secretly despise the "Western influence" on the Indian culture. While we are completely ignorant of the beautiful language that Sanskrit is, we gloat in pride about "our heritage" of Vedas and Upanishads. Sadly, while our bodies live in these "Developed" countries, our hearts are still in India. And THAT precisely is the dilemma of the confused NRI.

Murphy's laws for the new mother.

1. As soon as you are done vacuuming, the baby wants to eat finger foods.
2. As you start changing a dirty diaper, the phone/door-bell will ring.
3. Likability of a food item is inversely proportional to the availability.
4. Soiled socks are always in pairs, washed ones are always single.
5. The day you throw in the sweaters for washing will be the coldest one of the year.
6. If you are running low on diapers, the baby will have diarrhoea.
7. Whatever is on the plate goes to the floor, whatever is on the floor goes into the mouth.
8. If you order pizza for dinner, the toddler will stay up late. If you are cooking healthy baby foods especially for her, the nap time comes an hour too early.
9. If the toddler has to throw up, it will be after you have brushed her teeth for the night.
10. The high priced toy that catches her fancy in the toy store will be forgotten as soon as its paid for.

Need help with an African Chant guys!!!

Now, this title may intrigue some. Interest few others and drive the rest of them nuts! B.E, Infosys, Living in Sydney and superstitious?

Well there are times and situations when the normal human mind cannot explain what is happening around/to you! I am currently in such a situation. Life is at a crossroads and I know why NOT! I mean imagine this - I have a 100% track record of converting interviews to offers. I.e. never been interviewed and not offered the job. But of 100 jobs I have applied to in the past 10 months, I have been granted interviews just twice. Once for a leading bank here at Australia and the other for a leading service provider.

The bank was almost through. I got the offer. I flew all the way from India cutting a vacation short to join. Then, the morning before the job was scheduled to begin there comes up a glitch in the contract that was never mentioned. HR and I differ on the same and offer is withdrawn!!! What the....!!! And to think, I am normally not the kinds to speak in a "tone" to anyone let alone a prospective firm! Uggghh...

That was huge setback, one from which I never really recovered. I know once I land in a job the sting will be gone. But that "next job" has been eluding me for over 1.5 years now.

Then enter fray, this leading service provider... 3 interviews later, they decided I was too technical for them and conduct 2 more interviews for yet another of their vertical, presumably technical. 5 interviews in all, then a call to discuss choice of location etcetera. It been 6 months since I have been interviewing with them and they are still moving my case forth and back. Seems they want to see what work can they allocate me before making that offer!

Why am I landing in such a soup. Each passing day, week, month my resume gets weaker and the gap wider. People say the inevitable - Fudge the details, play around with the dates, close in the gap, build up a totally new resume. That is NOT me! Has never been... But what is the result of the stand that I have taken?

Then again personal front has been a crib tale as well... Health, finances, future - EVERYTHING is in doldrums...

Desperate times needs desperate measures.... So searching for that elusive recipe for success....Anyone?!?!?

Social networking - A great way to stay connected(get kicked)...

Alas! India Inc. sees yet another bright spark fade away into the darkness of oblivion (I hope not!) as Shashi Tharoor sends his resignation to the PM and he accepts it.

The newspapers are quick to dissect the whole issue and claim "He had it coming...". One underlying theme that keeps recurring is the use of social networking site Twitter. Both Tharoor and his now-nemesis Lalit Modi have been active on the site and this is what the media says was the beginning of the end.

Tharoor especially was in the media bad books as all that they could should or would have conveyed to the masses with their input was directly being told to the people who cared to listen. Was this the crime that cost Tharoor dearly? He sure did not make fans of the high and mighty with his cattle class theories and the daily updates.

And that makes me wonder - Why do the people in authority really worry about people who like to have a lives OUTSIDES of their profession? What does it matter to the media if a Tharoor or an Amitabh decide to talk to the people who matter? What is the harm or impropriety if they wish to give their version of the story directly to the society?

Interestingly, there was an article in the ToI that complimented Microsoft for having the most social media savvy employees. Amazing, how the most successful company (arguably) in the world takes great pride in letting its employees have a life outside of the campus even when they are on it. On the other hand, Indian Inc., the so-called harbinger of the IT revolution, takes great pains in making sure their employees cannot browse even the most basic of sites. Some of these companies even pose great restrictions on the OUTLOOK as well. The size of attachments that can be sent through official emails, the IDs that can be communicated with etc all are monitored ad nauseum. Why do their HRs ponder or lament over the brain drain or the high attrition rates then?

Why cant a minister, who has been given that post by the mandate of the very common man he is talking to, converse with his people without a middle man? Why cant an Amitabh, a RGV or an Aamir connect to their audiences without the media playing the essential go-between? Why cant a software engineer who works day and night for the company (which refuses to share even a fair percentage of profits its making on his toil and prefers manicuring the lawns or build inanely positioned buildings instead with it) take a healthy break away from the maddeningly dull work? And why are all these people suddenly bad boys?

Someone needs to point out the ultimate irony of this Indian mindset. We are the largest democracy in the world. We guarantee to all the citizens of this country the freedom of speech and the freedom of expression of thought. But what is meant to be in theory never translates into reality. Or is it just that like everything else in India what we preach is what we shall seldom practise? As someone pointed out in one of the numerous articles I have read since this morning - the man who had 20 years of illustrious career overseas has been undone in less than an year in the great country called India. Some homecoming, huh?

Looking through the eyes of love!

I knew of a young girl once upon a time.

All she wanted was a simple life. She dared to dream of a house in the woods, a lovely river running close by. A tree in front of the house. And lot of nests on the tree. The sunrise would wake up the chicks in the tree and they would merrily chirp. The little girl would wake up to this heavenly music each day. Stroll in the woods collecting rare and fresh flowers on the way. She would share her fruits with the squirrels that were as carefree as she herself was. Ah - her life seemed just so perfect this way.

But alas! That was not to be. Her simple life was always in her dreams. She woke up to the shrill alarm clock each day. Each day was a rush to the school. Each month was a dash to be first in the class. Each class was a stepping stone to the holy grail that is called a sucessful life. She went through the same grind as all others with her. She did her routine "learning", she managed to get into a "company" which was envied by many. There she found everything but precisely THAT - company.

The friends she made told her many a times - you are so not cut out for this. You should be far in the woods, lovely wilderness. With so many secrets of the nature to unveil, you are wasting your time here. She knew it all along too.

But she got stuck more and more in the grind of the life. Then she got married. Her prince came along and took her away from her dreary days. She loved her castle. It kept her safe. But still she needed to go out and face the world each day. A child no longer, she could ill afford the dreams she still dreamt of.

Then came a cub of her own... Looking at her, the woman thought - My baby should get the best of everything. The best education, the best clothes, the best opportunities. Then she caught herself - What about the best mother? The grind of life is taking its toll on you. Today you are afraid to even dream of the freedom that makes you happy. You know you are leading a life that is not for you. You force yourself to a unhealthy tirade and in turn you grow morose, bitter and tired. When you were never true to yourself, your dreams what good can you be to this little little thing in here?

Isn't there a way out for this mother? Is she too late in the pursuit of her dreams. Are the wilds too crowded now? Are the birds not singing in the nests still? Are the flowers, fruits and squirrels not in the wait still?

So what if she couldn't go there alone? So what if her childhood never saw the beauty of the nature? Isn't it better to go there now than not go at all and keep wondering for the rest of her life - What if I had?

Dark ages are a thing of past. Really?

For a progressive nation like India, its a shame that some of our so-called "Community leaders still live and swear by the dark ages. Read about one such great icon here.

Honor killings, social boycotts, sati and God know what else is still being preached, practised and followed in the interior parts of the country. And the wily politicians, astute in the game of vote bank politics, make a blind man look more pro-active. God bless India.

Mera Bharat mahaan.

Zara headlines se SaRaK, SRK...

"Uproar after 'King of Bollywood', Shah Rukh Khan, held at US Airport"
"Shah Rukh's name not the cause of detainment"
"Shah Rukh gives a fitting reply to Amar Singh"
"The real reason for Shah Rukh's detention"
yada yada yada...

Is there an end to this mega-byte splashes? I mean, what the hell? When an ex-president of Kalam's stature took a similar episode in his stride, wonder why this episode should command the media frenzy.

But then, there has to be a difference between an intellectually advanced brilliant scientist and a megalomaniacal nautanki, right?